Experimental
by Jillian K
Summary: In a different Sunnydale in where the demon threat has been neutralized, the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative labs. BR but really BS. Completed.
1. Entry #1

Disclaimer: BTVS is property of Joss Whedon and Mutant enemy. This fic is intended for entertainment purposes only so no money is being made of it. As if anybody would pay.

Pairing: B/R but really B/S

Summary: In a different Sunnydale in where the demon threat has been neutralized the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative labs. 

Experimental

Entry #1

First lets get this clear.

I am only writing this because the lousy Council of Watchers informed me that every slayer had kept some type of written record of their activities to be turned in after her death. I was to assume that these records played on important part of the slayer traditions and it was vital that it be done (their words not mine). Well, anyhow, I have to write this stupid journal. And, after all, its not as if I have many things to do because I just don't.

Giles tells me that in the past being a slayer constituted of a lot more …slaying. Actual vampire slaying and not the ceremonial /recreational thing that I do. Slayers of the past were actually protecting the world from the forces of evil. I, on the other hand, protect it from the forces of boredom. 

Because that is what I am. Entertainment.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to go back to a world that was truly being threatened by vamps and demons. Having the forces of darkness neutralized was a plus. It had cost countless of slayers their lives but at the end humanity (with help from the council and the Initiative) had prevailed. We defeated the foes and reclaimed the world.

There were still bands of demons and vampires living in the outskirts of civilization. They survived by consuming wild animals and adventurous humans who seek them out. But for the most part the remaining demons had been captured, implanted and sent either to the labs, the prisons or sold as pets to those that could afford it.

Yes pets. It seems like the world has some sort of obsession with the creatures of the night. Just recently I had attended a party given by some major studio head that had a vamp fetish. He kept a couple in this tiny sun-proof cage that was the focus piece of his recreation room. When they saw me the poor vamps looked like they wanted to dig a hole and bury themselves. They must have thought that I was here to take them back to the lab. If there is one thing worse than being a pet it would be being a lab subject.

The underground labs were a maze that covered most of Sunny D. I housed all kinds of demons but head researcher Maggie Walsh was especially fond of vamp specimens. She must have about 1000 down there. As expected the vamps were the subjects of all kinds of controlled studies aimed at benefiting humanity. Good for us, bad for vamps. Not that I had any fluffy, bunny feelings for them. After all I am the slayer. Still, whenever I was underground I could not help but feel sorry for the pathetic creatures being tested day after day living their unlives in a mad scientist's lab (don't let Walsh read this).

There is no People for the Ethical Treatment of the Undead so they are very much unprotected and helpless. It seemed like people forget that they had been human once.

Well, enough about that subject. As you can see, I really have no reason to be in this society. The slayer is a figurehead. A relic from a long gone, terrible past.


	2. Entry #2

Title: Experimental   
Author: Jillian K 

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

Pairing: B/R but really B/S

Summary: In a different Sunnydale in where the demon threat has been neutralized the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative labs. 

Entry #2

I take it back. The slayer is not a figurehead. The almighty Walsh actually requested my help. Me, the untried and untested slayer. It seemed that the Initiative security had been lax and seven vamps had made their escapes. It was late morning so it was unlikely that they had ventured out of the lab's premises. Even so, the lab covered most of Sunny D and the Initiative soldiers did not come equipped with my super-duper slayer sense. The cameras showed the vamps entering a section of the lab that was being remodeled. As rusty as I was, it took me about two hours to track down five of the escapees who were restrained and taken back to their cozy cages. One of the vamps stood her ground and attacked me. She was unexpectedly powerful for a test vamp. When she knew that I would win she managed to grab my stake and plunge it into her own heart.

That bad huh?

I was short one vamp and as much as I combed the perimeter I did not find him. I believe he must have gone aboveground. Since it was already dark I needed to regroup. I asked Walsh to have the vamp's profile sent to my PC at home. The she-dragon must have been so eager to reclaim the missing subject that she agreed. 

Once home I kicked off my shoes and sat down to a quiet dinner by my lonesome. The email icon flashed and I took my bowl of Spaghetti-Os to the terminal. I spent some time trying to open the encrypted file that Walsh had sent. Finally, I remembered the code and the vamp's mug and profile loaded up.

Subject: 17 Class-V Age: 126+ Place of origin if known: London, Eng.

Interned: June 9, 1987. Implanted: June 13, 1987 (serial # C2119)

Name (If applicable): William W______, William the Bloody, Spike.

Characteristics: W/M appears to be in late twenties. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Light Brown.

Status: presently involved in study CO-26 "The Effects of sleep depravation in vampire cognition and functioning." Walsh, M. Finn, R. Anderson, M.

Most recent observations:

1/17

Subject seems greatly affected by present study. Its feeding pattern is abnormal and behavior is aggressive and animalistic. Restraints are now being used.

1/25

Subject's recent behavior compromises study. It has been determined that he is no longer needed for any future studies. Extermination scheduled for 1/27.

So that's it. Looks like little Willie knew that his time was up and decided to make a break for it. I really can't blame him. After having spent fourteen years in the evil witch's lab he was being discarded like so much waste. Cruel, but I still had to catch him. The pic included with the file showed a sickly looking guy with a particular glint in his eyes. He was pale and but his baby blues were pure fire. Wonderful.

So Willie was gone. The chip prevented him from hurting humans, even to feed. I was tempted to just let him live free from the evil-one's grasp. But something inside – my slayer pride- would not let him go. So, I'll pack my gear, complete with restraints and stakes, and find little Willie. William the Bloody.


	3. Entry# 3-5

****

Title: Experimental   
**Author**: Jillian K 

****

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

****

Pairing: B/R but really B/S

****

Summary: In a different Sunnydale in where the demon threat has been neutralized the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative labs. Please read and review.

****

Author's Notes: Thanks for the feedback. One thing though. I am not writing about the Sunnydale we all know and love but rather an upside down one. Buffy still trusts the Council because they have not betrayed her in any way (at least not yet). Also someone mentioned that she wouldn't call Spike "Willie" but she doesn't know him yet. And most of all Buffy is not really the slayer (she has never really slayed or had to fight to save the world). 

Entry #3

Went out and combed Sunnydale. My feelers were spread and yet no vamp. Maybe he staked himself. If I had spent the last14 years in a lab, I'd dust me too.

Entry#4

Still no luck in Vampfest. The guest of honor refuses to show. He is either dust or in Reno by now. On the plus side, Riley has offered to give me a psychological profile of my target to determine where he would have gone. Riley works with Walsh but the WWW (Wicked Walsh of the West) has not rubbed off on him…yet. We are currently in our early dating stage were we know our ice-cream preferences but not the way we felt when our respective dad's left. He is a good kisser and a very dependable friend.

Entry #5

I've been getting these looks from everyone that say that they expected better from me. Giles is disappointed. His slayer can't even track one measly vamp down. Riley keeps asking me if I would like to borrow some ultra-tech tracking device that reads demon signals or something like that. I declined and told him that it was only a matter of time. He nodded in that annoyingly male, condescending way. It's almost as if he doubted that I was the slayer. But I am. Right?


	4. Entry#6

****

Title: Experimental

****

Author: Jillian K.

****

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

****

Summary: In a very different Sunnydale, the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative labs. B/R but really B/S. 

Entry #4

Got him!!! After reading Riley's very thorough profile I understood that my target would not attempt to flee Sunnydale as much as blend in. Also, he couldn't have been in the best shape after his time with the labs. Direct confrontation with the Initiative border patrols would be more than he could handle. So, I was looking for a newcomer to the Sunnydale scene. And I was also looking for a bleached-blond vamp because before his capture his hair was always treated.

Sunnydale's nightlife is pretty tame. This city houses the Initiative world headquarters and scientists rarely party (then again there was that incident with Walsh and the naked Chaos demon). 

The city's only real club was the Bronze so it was a given. He was there. 

Even without my slayer sense I would have known it was he. Blond spiked hair that framed a face that hadn't seen the sun in over a hundred years. Baby blue eyes that were emphasized by the slight shadows under them. His lab clothes, (white T-shirt and pants), had been replaced by black jeans and T-shirt combo complete with Doc Martens. He was sipping something that looked quite red (real bloody Mary?). I approached him from the back. My stride was confident and sure. I was the slayer.

"Hello Cutie"

He froze and slowly turned to my smile. His eyes roamed my face questionably and then he knew.

I saw him getting ready to flee. My muscles tensed with expectation and I gave the metal retractable syringe in my pocket a comforting tap. 

It was over in a few seconds. I caught him mid-stride and plunged the syringe in. The fast-acting tranquilizer had been designed with vamps in mind. Within seconds his legs started to give and his arms tried unsuccessfully to break his fall. Amazingly enough, no one paid any attention to us. 

I half-carried/dragged him into the Bronze's deserted parking lot. My car was parked near the lot's exit. I let the vamp drop to the floor for a minute while I hunted for the set of chains I had kept in the trunk since I started looking for him. I quickly secured him and shoved him into the back seat. 

It was not until I had my hands on the steering wheel that I noticed they were shaking.

I was halfway to the lab's aboveground exit before I remembered that I had left my lab id at home. Without it I was bound to spend half an hour arguing with the entrance guard before he contacted Walsh or Riley for permission to let me in.

I did a U-turn and headed to Revello Drive. I was seconds away from my home when I heard a muffled sound from the back. I pulled into my driveway and grabbed the vamp by the scruff of his shirt. It was then I that saw something that I will always carry with me.

I had seen a lot of pain in my life. My own face in the mirror the day after my mother's burial had been a study in misery. But I had never seen the depth of it until I looked into the eyes of William the Bloody.

His eyes expressed fourteen years of calculated torment at the hands of an evil woman with zero ethics and total power. And here I was taking him back to that hellish existence. 

I knew I couldn't do it. And I didn't. 


	5. Entry# 7

****

Title: Experimental

****

Author: Jillian K.

****

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

****

Summary: In a very different Sunnydale, the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative labs.

****

Author's Notes: Thanks for the feedback. I had intended to have this story go one particular way but now I think its taking things into its own fictional hands. Well, I am here along for the ride. I hope you are too.

Entry # 7

By the time the effects of the drug had worn off, I had settled the vampire in the basement. The room had no doors leading outside and the only window was a tiny one that no one could fit through. I set up the extra mattress with my old sheet set and spare blanket. The boxes were piled to one side of the room and I even swept the cobwebs and most of the dust. Okay, so it wasn't five star but it had to be a hundred times better than the Initiative's specimen accommodations.

I laid him on the bed and loosened his restraints a bit so that he could get comfortable. He was very quiet and I wondered about that, but then I remember that the drug I had injected him with also affected speech. 

Yet, his eyes never left my face so I knew that he was aware of everything that was going on around him. His gaze was wary as if he thought that I would stake him any minute.

I took advantage of his undivided attention to explain what the deal was.

" My orders were to catch, secure and deliver you back to the Initiative" I stated coldly and noticed that his eyes grew frantic. "I am choosing not to follow that order – for now". 

Relief and curiosity emoted from the baby blues.

"But, if you do not do exactly as I say, I will take you back or stake you once and for all". 

No reaction. It was as if I just confirmed what he already suspected.

"I won't forget what you are vampire. And I won't forget that your kind is innately evil but I don't agree with the Initiative's methods. So you can stay but you have to follow the rules." 

He blinked and I knew that the paralyzing agent was wearing off.

"First of all, you are not to leave the basement except to clean up. I'll find a way to bring you a steady supply of blood. You will always wear the restraints but they will be loose so you can move around. I won't hurt you as long as you don't try anything funny. Just remember who am I and where you are and we won't have any problems."

I turned and headed upstairs taking care to lock the basement door behind me. It was almost dawn now so I went to my room and undressed. As I put on my pajamas, I wondered about what tomorrow will bring. Would my "guest" be as compliant as he seemed? Or would I have to dust him just like I threatened? Either way something told me that my life was about to do a 180-degree turn. Nothing would ever be the same. 

I woke up after a few hours of uneasy sleep. As usual the sun shined on Sunnydale. I took a quick bath while trying to figure out what was I going to feed the vampire. I didn't think that the local Stop and Shop kept animal blood stocked in its shelves but there had to be some commercial vamp chow for people who kept them. Was the local Petco the obvious answer? 

It was. The giant pet store had a refrigerated section devoted to vampire foodstuffs. I gazed at cans and bottles of blood from a variety of animals. Next to the blood were tiny bottles of supplements and vitamins. I didn't know what to pick.

A store representative must have noticed my confusion that he came to ask me if he could help.

" I don't know what type I should get. I never had to buy this stuff before." I admitted.

He smiled. "Okay, just tell me what type of vamp you have."

"There are types of vamp?" I was even more confused.

"Well yes. An F type would be one that is less than 10 years old. A fledging, if you will. One that is more than 10 but less than a 100 years would be a Mature or M vampire and finally one over 100 years is a MV or Master Vampire. Those are very rare and quite costly. So what do you have?"

I remembered from the Initiative's records that William the bloody was thought to be more than 126 years old.

"MV. I have an MV type."

The store rep seemed suitably impressed and pointed to then green labeled bottles. I picked one up and read that it was type cattle mixed with large primate blood. I also noticed that it was $29.99 a bottle. 

"How much of this stuff should I give him?" Then council gave me a stipend which covered cost of housing, clothing, food, tuition and any extras I wanted but 30 bucks a day was going to stretch my budget. 

"About a cupful mixed with a two cups of platelet formula" he said while holding large three-litter bottle. "You can always alternate with the less expensive blood types. Just make sure that it gets it twice a week." I nodded and went to get a shopping cart.

By the time I left the store I had bottles of cattle/primate blood, pig blood, platelet formula and was $209.34 poorer. I also had a Petco pals card. I tried not to think too much as I loaded the bags to the trunk. It seemed that my decision would not only prove to be risky but also expensive. With that in mind I headed back to Revello drive and my undead, and hopefully not too hungry, guest. 


	6. Entry #8

Title: Experimental

Author: Jillian K.

Summary: In a very different Sunnydale, the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative's labs.

Author's notes: Once again thank you for the feedback. Don't worry about Maggie, she'll get her comeuppance in the story soon enough. 

Entry # 8

On the way back to Revello Drive I started thinking just what I had gotten myself into. I had allowed my feelings to overrule my brain. Giles sometimes complained that I really did not think things through before I did them. That I couldn't make a rational decision and this was fatal in a slayer. I usually disagreed since a slayer (a real slayer) would have to make lightening fast decisions that relied on intuition and instinct over intellect. But since I have never fought a real battle I couldn't prove my point. 

In all rationality I was off my rocker. I was putting my reputation, my very life on the line to harbor a vampire. Vampires were the natural curse of a slayer's life. I am sure that my undead houseguest had made some past slayer's world miserable. 

But, I knew, I just knew that what Walsh and the government were doing was wrong. It was cruel and cold-blooded. It put to question who the real monsters of Sunnydale were.

Before I could go on with my internal debate I was pulling into my driveway. Slayer strength helped as I carried the heavy bags inside. 

I mixed the appropriate quantities in a large water bottle with a plastic straw. I wasn't going to release his arms from the restraints so I was planning on holding the bottle and letting him suck through the straw. I nuked the mixture and unlocked the basement door. 

He was awake and free of the drug's effects. The vampire was still lying on the mattress but I could see that his hands were flexing in anticipation. I slowly approached him.

"I'm bringing you your breakfast. If I sense that you are trying something I won't feed you and I'll shoot you up with that drug that doesn't even let you blink".

The flexing stopped immediately and he sent me a wary glare. 

"Good", I held the straw up to his lips, "Now drink".

He drank deeply and quickly. He was obviously used to this. I wondered if he remembered the taste of fresh human blood.

The bottle was soon empty and he ran a pink tongue over his reddened lips to catch the last few drops. I don't know why but I found that fascinating but not as much as what came next.

"Thank you"

It was soft and barely audible. The vampire was thanking the slayer for feeding him. It was beyond ironic. I responded in a trance.

"You're welcome"

We stared at each other for a long while and I thought that I was finally experiencing what people call a "pregnant pause".

The ringing of the phone broke our silence. Without a backward glance I dashed up the stairs and into the living room. I lifted the phone of its cradle before the answering machine started.

"Hello" incredibly enough my voice sounded normal, if only a little breathless.

"Hi Buffy. It's Riley"

Uh oh.

"Riley… how are you" 

"Fine. I just wanted to call you to check on your progress"

"Progress?" God, I sounded blond.

"Progress with your search for subject 17. You seemed certain that my profile could help you locate him" Riley sounded different and a lot more formal than usual. He must have someone next to him and I could guess exactly who.

"Well yeah, but its going to take some time. I figured that he will be hiding in plain sight and I just have to wait him out." I was certain that Walsh had put him up to this and was probably standing next to him. B***. 

"Oh, okay. I just wanted to know. If you like we can go look for him together. Maybe that'll help"

I had to think fast. 

"I don't think so. The vampire knows you're Initiative. If he sees you coming he is going to run before we have a chance to catch him." There, that seemed plausible.

"You're probably right. Well, I'll call you later. I have some notes that I need to go over"

"Okay. Whenever you get the chance. Bye Riley."

"Good bye Buffy"

I breathed a sight of relief as I hung up the phone. I shouldn't have been so quick because it was then that I noticed that William the Bloody had somehow made his way up the stairs and was presently standing in front of me.


	7. Entry# 9

Title: Experimental

Author: Jillian K.

Summary: In a very different Sunnydale, the slayer protects a vampire from the Initiative's lab.

Author's note: Thank you for the wonderful reviews. Keep'em coming. I'll try posting more frequently. Also, I know that I am painting Riley in a less than flattering light but he'll shine through soon enough – that is if the story develops according to plan. 

Entry #9

I was surprised but not scared. How could he have gotten up the stairs with his hands and feet restrained together? Vampiric agility is very impressive. 

We did a bit more of that frozen slayer/ frozen vampire bit. I couldn't think of what to say.

'You're one of them" he whispered huskily

" I'm not Initiative. I'm the slayer"

"You were talking to one of them" I could detect the faint accusation in his tone "I heard you"

Vampire hearing is also to be commended.

"Riley called me to remind me that I hadn't caught you yet. He has no idea that I already did"

I couldn't believe that he actually glared at me. Although he couldn't hurt me this wasn't the vulnerable vampire of just yesterday. This was someone else. I decided to put a stop to it before it got worse.

"Listen, _William_. I just got through telling you who is in charge and it isn't you. Riley Finn is a very good friend of mine and he was just offering some help. I don't see…"

"Riley Finn is one of the most merciless human beings in the face of the planet. I bet you can't even imagine the things he has done in the name of science" 

By now his voice had taken on a predatory rumble. He hated Riley with a passion. I wonder what Walsh inspired in him.

"They really hurt you in there" I said softly, my annoyance had evaporated in an instant.

He lost all his bravado and nodded. His eyes had taken that same haunted quality that had made me take him into my home instead of the lab. 

"I'm sorry. No one deserves that"

He shrugged. He didn't feel comfortable with my pity. Giles had made me read many books on vampire psychology (some were authored by Walsh). From them I learned that vampires are proud creatures. A master vampire like William the Bloody was a total alpha male, destined to lead and command. His having been reduced to being a simple lab rat for fourteen years must have done a real number on his psyche. Relying on the slayer for protection didn't help matters either.

I cleared the lump in my throat and lightened my voice. "Okay, since you're up here… wanna watch some TV? Passions' on"

He looked at me quizzically but nodded. A tentative truce had settled between us. Soon we were laughing at the ridiculous antics of Timmy and co. He seemed quite taken with the silly, supernatural soap. Passions was followed by the various People's Court knockoffs and later the 5o'clock news. During a commercial break I got up to make our respective dinners. 

I came back to the living room with his warm water bottle (blood bottle?) and my cup of soup. We drank in silence as the news switched to a report from Sunnydale. The enthusiastic news anchor seemed overly enthusiastic as she informed the public that an undisclosed number of vampires had managed to escape from the Initiative's base. The vampires were believed to still be at large and the slayer Buffy Summers had been contacted to aid in recapture efforts. The Initiative's spokesperson had declined to comment although reports were not denied. 

William's hands gripped the water bottle so hard that his knuckles turned white. I placed my dinner on the coffee table. I now knew why Maggie Welsh had urged Riley to make the call. She must have known that someone had leaked the information on the breakout. The head of the Initiative valued the institution's reputation above everything else. If security were an issue then government funding would not be forthcoming. 

This complicated things quite a bit. To save her ass she would turn all the Initiative's resources to locating and recapturing subject 17. 

William had come to the same conclusion too. I got up and pried the bottle away from his hands and put it away. Then I took his hands on mine.

"I promise you that I will do everything that I can to keep you from them"

His clear blue eyes searched mine and I felt the temperature rise a bit.

"Everything?"

"Yes"

"Then promise me that you will stake me before they get to me" his voice was urgent and I knew I had to be honest. 

"I promise"

And in my living room as we held hands I realized than in that moment I had changed. I could now see other colors besides white and black. Gray had shifted into focus and it was a beautifully fascinating hue. I liked gray and I hoped it liked me back.


	8. Entry# 10

Title: Experimental

Author: Jillian K.

Summary: See chapter 1

Disclaimer: ditto

Author's notes: Thanks again for reviewing. This is my first fanfic although it's been in my head for some time. I've been getting some criticism since this is supposed to be Buffy's journal writings. I know that it seems unnecessary but the fact that she is writing everything down will play a part later on in the story. I need a written record (evidence if you will;). Also, like Buffy, William is not all that he could be…yet. This unassertive Buffy and helpless Spike are products of their universe. They both have to overcome their world in order to become the people they were meant to be. Otherwise I'm gonna need a sequel. 

Entry #10 

Since I was the official slayer I could not stay away from what Giles calls the "trappings of my calling". The world needed to know that it had a slayer even if it didn't need one. So every few weeks or so there would be some function or ritual that would require my presence. Sometimes it was a formal event, like an awards dinner, where I would have to dress up to the nines and be escorted and everything. Riley usually did the honors. On the other hand in a ritual or celebration I would be all "kick ass slayer" in leather and stakes. I preferred the latter even though some of the rituals were borderline sadistic such as the annual beheading of the Chaos demon that coincided with Thanksgiving. It was quite a tradition: Turkey and televised sacrifice on Pay-per-view. Giles said it is very Roman. I think it is very sick.

Of course, I wasn't about to go public with my views, especially since I performed all the rituals.

Fortunately or unfortunately this function was the dress up kind. There were three things that were wrong with this. 1) I had to dress up. 2) Riley was going to pick me up and 3) afterwards Riley would expect to stay over. 

I couldn't decline the invite since both Walsh and Giles had emphasized how important it is for the slayer and a member of the Initiative to show a united front in the face of the current escapee crisis. And I couldn't refuse Riley without arising suspicion since he is my boyfriend.

Obviously I have a problem or I would have a problem if Riley got wind of my new roommate.

As I ran through my options one thing became certain. I would need outside help and one name came up: Willow.

Willow Rosenberg has been my best friend since I was fifteen and newly introduced to the public as the slayer. The previous slayer, who had died of natural causes at the age of 87, had been a very well liked and intelligent woman. When my name came up as the next slayer the Council of Watchers wasn't exactly jumping from joy. They saw that their new slayer was an undisciplined, underachieving girl who was currently on academic probation and had been kicked out of one school for recurrent fighting. Their solution was moving me out of LA and into a more structured environment and getting me a tutor/role model that was my age. Willow filled both roles excellently and although we couldn't be more different she became my friend.

Our relationship wasn't a one way street. She changed me as much as I changed her. She often said that if it hadn't been for me she would have never been brave enough to attempt a relationship with Tara. I wasn't sure about that, but I was sure that my calling inspired her to research into the occult and become a very accomplished witch.

Willow was open-minded and I needed her to be when I told her about William.

Once I graduated from high school I no longer needed Willow as a tutor. I seemed to be getting through college just fine. Still, we met for lunch twice a week and called each other on the phone everyday. She and Giles had been my strongest support when my mother passed away last year. I was counting on her to support me on this too.

Since I didn't want to talk to her in a public place, she agreed to come for lunch just as long as I ordered out. Buffy-cooking is not to be tried more than once.

By 11:30 am all my preparations were complete. The house was cleaned, the Thai had been ordered and I locked William in the basement.

My undead houseguest no longer wears his chains. I see no point in them. Where could he run and what could he accomplish by himself in a town controlled by the Initiative? He has free run of the house although he chooses to remain in the basement for most of the time. He only comes up for lunch and his daily dose of Passions. I had to take dinner downstairs to him.

I have to admit that I am worried about him. He seems tense and anxious. I can't blame him. He knows very well what we are up against. The chances of him getting out of Sunnydale alive are slim even with my help.

But if I couldn't get him out, at least I wouldn't let him be recaptured. This is where Willow came in. I was counting on her to help me hide him the day of the function so that Riley could spend the night and be none the wiser the next day.

As usual Willow was right on time. We greeted each other warmly and caught up on the gossip over Thai. We were almost done with our meal when I finally got the courage to tell her. I tried the indirect approach.

"You know I have to go to that lame induction next Wednesday. I am so not looking forward to it"

Willow smiled. My dislike of formal events is a well-known fact to her. 

"You never look forward to it. But on the plus side you get to spend time with Riley. You are going with Riley right?

"Uh huh. Walsh and the G-man claim that we need to be seen as if we are in control of situation. The press won't let up on the Initiative's security issues" 

She laughed. "Yeah they finally got some dirt on the establishment. Walsh runs that place like its Fort Knox. You know I found it hard to believe that many vamps got pass her security. She was lucky you were able to catch all but one"

Okay, here it goes.

"Actually I got all of them"

"What? But the news said last night that there was one missing. They showed his picture and everything" 

"Will, I have to tell you something. And I know that it's gonna sound crazy but just hear me out okay"

She looked worried but nodded her agreement.

"Willow, I caught the missing vampire over three weeks ago but I didn't tell anyone"

Her eyes widened and her next words were stammered.

"Why didn't you? Where is he?"

"I just couldn't take him back to the lab"

"You let him go?" Incredulous. 

"No, he is downstairs"

"What???"


	9. Entry# 11

Title: Experimental

Author: Jillian K.

Summary: see chapter 1

Disclaimer: ditto

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews – they really make me write faster. Right now I am trying to figure a way to introduce Xander into this world but I am coming up blank. Also I'm thinking of doing a short, one chapter prequel that takes place during Spike's time in the Initiative labs. I could really get into his head then. Maybe bring Dru and Angel out to play. What do you think?

Entry #11

As I had hoped Willow came through. After getting over her initial shock (actually shock is too weak a word) she agreed to help me out. She, like me, had a deep-seated distrust of the Initiative. 

Now I had only to tell William that Willow was going to take him in overnight. William & Willow - talk about your assonance. 

I unlocked the basement door and quietly made my way down the steps. Even in the afternoon the room was bathed in dark shadows. I had asked William if he wanted to move in some lamps in here to make it brighter but he declined because it would remind him of his cell in the lab. I dropped the subject.

As usual he was lying on his mattress with a thin sheet covering his lower body. I knew that my vampire guest slept only in the boxers I had bought him. For some reason he refused to wear the very nice CK pajamas I got for him. He said something about vampires not wearing flannel.

Asleep he looked positively angelic and not a bit demonic. I didn't want to wake him up so I sat on the floor where I could see his face clearly.

It is a fascinating face. All sharp angles and softly pouting lips. I was sorry to see that even after three weeks in my care he still had shadows under his eyes. He still looks sick.

Once more I found myself wondering how had he survived the years. I mean I know that vampires are immortal but having to survive in bleak conditions day after day knowing that there was no end in sight must have depleted his will to live. Humans can die of heartbreak so why can't vampires that had been human once? 

The opening of his eyes interrupted my thoughts. Even in the shadows the baby blues stand out. He has beautiful eyes. I feel my heart quicken a little.

"Hey"

"Hi" I replied "Did you have a nice nap?"

He smiled "You sound just like my mum. And yes I slept good. Why did you lock me up?" 

"Willow came over" I had told him about Willow before. "I didn't want you to get nervous beforehand so I didn't tell you. Sorry"

He yawned and blinked a little. "That's okay. It doesn't matter"  
"You are still tired?"

"No… well yes. I've been feeling a little off lately. Like I had no energy"

I frowned.

"Maybe I'm mixing the bottles incorrectly and you're not getting the right nutrients. I'll go back to the store and ask again"

He nodded and snuggled deeper into the sheet. I wanted to tell him about next week before he fell asleep again.

"On Wednesday I have to make an appearance at this induction to some society I can't think of its name right now. I'm gonna be taking you to stay with Willow for the night"

He was alert now and sat up. "Why? You know I won't run away. I never do when you have to go to class or to train"

"No, that's not it." I took a deep breath. "The thing is that I'm gonna be having some company overnight and I don't want to risk you getting caught"

The baby blues ran through a gamut of emotions before settling on betrayal. He knew.

"I'm guessing that you 'guest' will me the famous captain Finn. Or am I wrong?"

"You are not wrong. So now you know why you have to be out of the house"

"Whatever" he said and turned his back to me. I could sense the hurt radiating off him. In a sentence I had violated the tentative trust that we had been building in the past few weeks. I felt awful and alone.

Wordlessly I stood up and made my way up the stairs. 

Thanks for reading. Okay, I don't think I'll be able to update until tomorrow night because I have to go to my mom's house and help her with Easter dinner – she has almost 20 people coming over. So happy holiday if applicable and keep up the reviews. Tell me what you think of the prequel (I love that word) idea.


	10. Entry# 12

Title: Experimental

Author: Jillian K.

Summary: See chapter 1

Disclaimer: ditto

Author's notes: Thanks for the feedback. As you will see from this chapter I am planning of addressing Spike's past within the story. Buffy has not been confronted with it and I think she needs to before she even attempts a relationship with William. I'm also going to do the prequel one of these days. I'll let you know.

Entry # 12 

I don't want to be home. Living with William has been awkward ever since our falling out over Riley. So I went to Giles'.

Rupert Giles is my Watcher. He acts as the link between the Watcher's Council and myself. Traditionally, the relationship between watcher and slayer is one of mutual dependence in which knowledge and strength combines to protect the world. But in recent times the relationship has shifted into one of a counselor and advisee. The Watcher guides the slayer's life so that she can be a fit representative of the Council to the world. 

Fortunately for me, Giles chose to be more than that. He became my father figure and often protected my interests over those of COW. Because of this he is one of the few people I truly trust.

But I couldn't tell him what I was doing. He would see it as too risky for my safety and reputation and he was probably right. I was risking everything. That much was clear but deep inside I knew that I had to do it even if I lost. I hoped that if it ever came down to the wire Giles would understand.

As was usual, I began my routine. Giles insisted that I keep up my physical strength even if I didn't really use it. The gym adjacent to his house had all the high tech exercise equipment available (even a small indoor track). In addition, he also encouraged me to learn Tai Chi, Karate, Judo etc. He wanted me to be as well rounded as possible. 

Next to the gym was the largest rare book collection this side of the country. As was to be expected, most of these were of the occult persuasion. In addition to being the current Watcher, Giles was also the council's slayer historian. He was in charge of collecting and protecting the slayer diaries. This was necessary because publishers were always after them ever since one was turned in by a rogue council member and became an international bestseller.

After working on my fighting skills, my time with my Watcher was also intended to cultivate my mind. Through him I learned about the history behind the role I now filled. I learned of all the proud, strong chosen ones who had come before me and had done the impossible. Of women who had actually given their lives to protect their world. It was quite a legacy. 

Sometimes as Giles read to me from the diaries, I could imagine being those slayers of the past and knowing that I alone stood between good and evil. I could see myself struggling to kill a Ghora Demon, staking the master and closing a hellmouth. I could see myself being the Slayer.

Because in truth I am not the slayer. I carry a title I don't deserve. I live in a world that I don't protect. 

"Buffy?"

Giles' clipped English accent interrupted my thoughts.

"I'm sorry what?" I made myself focus on what he was saying.

"I just asked you if you had any breakthroughs on your search for William the bloody"

"No, nothing yet" I lied. "Even with Walsh's constant prodding, I haven't had any luck. I wonder why is so eager to get him back. Its not like she doesn't have a hundred other vamps to torture".

Giles put down the book he had in his hands and wiped his glasses with a handkerchief. This usually meant that he wanted my full attention. I complied.

"Well, Buffy we haven't been totally honest with you in regards to this particular vampire"

"What do you mean?"

"Buffy, William the bloody is probably one of the most ruthless, brutal vampires in history. He was responsible for the death of the Slayer during the Chinese Boxer Rebellion"

A cold wave washed over me. William had murdered a Slayer. The vampire in my basement had ended the life of one of the women I so wanted to be like. 

"How?" I asked. 

"We don't have any accounts of the actual killing…but one of the locals saw him and his consort feed off the slayer. He also reported that they engaged in sexual intercourse next to her body".

I could see it in my head. A young Asian girl lying on a dirty floor with two demons f***ing over her, laughing over the life they just took.

My blood boiled.

"Unfortunately that is not everything. A century later Spike, as he also known as, emerged in Manhattan. As you know by now the population knew the activities of the council and the Slayer. Helen, the slayer before you, had chosen to go public when the hellmouth over Sunnydale opened up. She knew that she couldn't fight anymore. She was in her fifties and no other slayer had been called. The council agreed with her decision and presented the evidence to the officials. The National Guard and later the army moved over Sunnydale. Consequently, the Initiative was founded and Maggie Walsh slowly rose through its ranks".

I nodded. I knew the history by heart.

"Spike was obviously none too pleased about how the situation had changed. He therefore managed to track down Helen's younger daughter who was studying in N.Y. and broke her neck in an empty subway car" Giles' cleared his throat and went on.

"This act was what turned all the Initiative's resources to capture him. A few years later they were successful. Rumor has it that one of the vampires in Spike's group betrayed him and he was sent to labs where he has been until now."

"Why didn't you tell me before? I asked, surprised that I could still speak.

"We chose not to tell you because we wanted you to proceed in a manner not clouded by emotion. Anger or hate could prove dangerous to a Slayer"

Yes, Giles was probably right.

Moments later I drove blinded towards my home. My mind overwhelmed by the faces of the two young girls that the demon in my basement had killed. Somehow I made it to my house and let myself in. 

Through the living room, past the dining room, through the kitchen and at the entrance to the basement. I kicked the door in and jumped one flight of stairs.

He was lying in his bed. I landed on top of him and pointed the stake towards his non-existent heart. His eyes burst open. I clutched my stake even tighter.

"Who the f*** are you anyway?"


	11. Entry# 13

Title: Experimental

Author: Jillian K.

Summary: See chapter 1

Disclaimer: ditto

Author's notes; I have to say I was a bit uneasy about the "changes" I made to the BTVS cannon. The thing is that I have written myself into a corner so I have to play around with the history to make it work out. And anyway its not like I'm rewriting Joss's scripts:) Also, I apologize for the constant cliffhangers but I am posting as I am writing this and it always ends up as a cliffhanger in my head. 

Entry #13 

Even with a Slayer holding a stake to his heart, Spike remained calm and merely looked expectant. It was as if he had been waiting for this. It made me angrier.

"Answer me or I swear you'll be dirt on the floor"

He took a deep unneeded breath but didn't try to get away.

"So now you know. I had hoped it would be later…"  
"Later when you earned my trust right? So you could kill me easy and I wouldn't even suspect anything". 

"That's not what I meant" he said softly trying to soothe me "I wasn't planning on lying to you. I just didn't think you'd understand…"

"Understand that I'm helping a killer of my kind? That I opened my home to ruthless murderer who rightfully belongs in Maggie Welsh's hell? Is that it? Is that what I don't _understand_?

He rose unexpectedly and managed to push me off. I stumbled a bit but caught myself before I hit the floor. We faced each other. Slayer Vs Vampire as it should have been since the beginning. 

Even now that I know who he really is, I couldn't help but feel animated by his presence. He still excited me in ways I didn't want to acknowledge.

I lunged and we began to dance.

***

Hours later we were both bloodied and bruised. The basement was in shambles with broken boxes littered about. Even the washer had been knocked down. I could barely catch my breath and he was bordering on unconscious.

But we were both alive.

Even as I write this I don't understand why we simply didn't kill each other. Both he and I had had plenty of opportunities to really damage one another but we didn't take them. It was as if this wasn't the object of the fight. 

And it couldn't have been the chip in his head because he could resist the pain enough to land a well-placed kick that threw me across the floor. No, something else kept us from taking the fight to the next level.

But whatever it was, it didn't make anything easier. He was the first to break the silence.

"I want you to know that I am sorry that you found the way you did. I should have been honest with you" His eyes held mine "I'll be leaving now. Thank you for everything you have done for me" He moved as if to get up.

"Do you really think you can just go? There is no way in hell that I'll let you leave especially now"

He closed his eyes. "You'll be taking me back to the lab then?"

"Yes" I answered without a trace of pity. "As I should have done originally. I was insane to bring you here"

"I think you were just being yourself" he smiled slightly through his bloodied lips. The vampire had really taken a hit and I couldn't help feeling a little proud of my slayer skills. He went on. "But, like I told you, I would rather be dust than be taken back there"

It was my turn to smile. "That'll do too"

And we danced through the night.

Sorry for the short chapter. I promise I'll have something for tomorrow. As you may have noticed I can't write fight scenes so just try to imagine them doing what they always do when they fight. Thank you for reading and keep up the reviews. 


	12. Entry# 14

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: See chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry for the long wait. Life gets in the way of my fun sometimes.  
  
Entry # 14  
  
Morning found us lying a few feet away from each other. Sometime during the night we had collapsed in exhaustion. Neither of us was willing to concede.  
  
My body was a mass of bruises and scratches. His was no better. Actually it was worse. I felt a twinge of satisfaction. I also discovered the most of my anger had dissipated. Fighting him -hurting him had made things better.  
  
Sado-masochistic leanings non-withstanding we still had to talk. The death of a slayer and an innocent girl hung over us creating a barrier.  
  
I wanted to tear that barrier and recreate the fragile relationship we had been nurturing over the past month. I wanted Spike gone and William back but to do that I had to get his version of things.  
  
The aforementioned vampire was lying on his side. His eyes bore into my own. His gaze was hurt, wary and strangely beckoning.  
  
I managed to get my feet under me and made my way to his side. I sat next to him.  
  
"Tell me" I ventured.  
  
He nodded and began. His voice was very low pitched but his accent was more pronounced as he took me back in time.  
  
"I became a vampire almost a hundred and thirty years ago. It was a different era luv and I was the product of my environment. My human self was introverted, naïve and lived by long- buried ideals. These ideals cost me my heart and when Drusilla offered me a way out I took it". His eyes misted over when he said her name. I felt an unexpected stab of jealously. He went on.  
  
"I relished being a vampire. It was liberating beyond words. Dru introduced me to her family. I instantly clashed with her sire, Angelus"  
  
I nodded. I had read of the scourge of Europe. He is one of the few master vampires still at large.  
  
"Angelus didn't appreciate another male in his little "harem". He took every opportunity to assert his domination. I realized that to overthrow the chain of command, I had to prove myself" He looked me straight in the eyes.  
  
"The only thing feared by Angelus and every other vamp is the Slayer. Back then things were different. There was no Initiative and the only real threat came from the chosen one. When Angelus told me of her existence, I was obsessed. I needed to take down a Slayer" His gaze didn't waver.  
  
"The current one originated from China, so we went there. I wanted time to watch her. She was the traditional by-the-book slayer the council produced back then. Her forte was the martial arts. I noticed everything, her strengths, weaknesses and even which side she favored. I analyzed all of it and formulated a plan of action. Luck was on my side as the carnage from the Boxer rebellion allowed me to move around without alerting her".  
  
I detected a hint of pride in his words. He still admired the cunning of his former self. I felt nauseous.  
  
"I made my move after a particular tumultuous uprising. The village she was protecting was burning and explosions continuously rocked the foundations. Through the masses I managed to find her and we fought. You know the rest. I defeated her" he said abruptly.  
  
"You drank from her. And then you and Dru…"  
  
"Slayer's blood is quite an aphrodisiac"  
  
Of course I punched him but he simply smiled and continued.  
  
"You wanted to know"  
  
"You enjoyed it" it was a statement not a question.  
  
"I am a vampire".  
  
And the barrier thickened. 


	13. Entry# 15

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: see chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Author's Note: Thank you for reviewing. Someone asked why Spike smiled after Buffy hit him. I think he did because he had struck first. He had offended her with his 'slayer's blood' comment so he just took the consequences. Also, there have been some times in BTVS where she has hurt him and he has chosen not to respond (FFL and Crush come to mind) It's probably because he is a bit masochistic or because he loves her. Who can really know what's in Spike's head? My narrator certainly doesn't;-)  
  
  
  
Entry #15  
  
The callousness of his words stung me to the core. This was Spike- William the Bloody in all his former glory. And he wasn't done yet.  
  
"Tell me about Manhattan" I demanded.  
  
He sighed. "They told you about that too huh? What can I say? My hand was forced on that one".  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"If you know your history books, you'll realize that the tide was turning against us demons. The Slayer-du-jour had decided to let the population know of things that went bump in the night. At first, the masses would not believe her even after she presented them with evidence. People have a way of rationalizing whatever doesn't fit in their worldview. They said that she was crazy and that she should be arrested. Helen didn't back down and when the Sunnydale Hellmouth opened she proved herself"  
  
The way he spoke of my predecessor gave the impression that he had respected her, maybe even admired her. I motioned him to continue.  
  
"Well as was expected the world did a 180-degree turn. They embraced the Slayer and the governments that could afford it funded agencies to neutralize the demon threat. It was open hunting on all demons in this dimension. Even the peaceful, tax-paying ones got outed and summarily destroyed. They were especially nasty on vamps and went beyond staking."  
  
"As you may have guessed, we vamps were not overjoyed. All over the world vampires were being rounded up. I left my gang and decided to take my chances with only Dru by my side. Most demons were choosing to run to less populated areas of the world. I wasn't about to do that knowing that the food source was going to be scarce. Dru and me chose to try our luck in NY and hope that we would go unnoticed amidst all the local weirdness"  
  
I smirked inwardly. He hadn't changed his modus operand in four decades.  
  
"That was the case for about nine years. We laid low and only hunted the people no one would miss. We raided blood banks a couple of times and we got by"  
  
The twinge of jealously made its reappearance. I tried hard to bury it so I wouldn't have to deal with it.  
  
"Then Helen's youngest came to town. The records don't mention it but she was a total wannabe slayer. She went out of her way to locate all the demons that hadn't fled and killed them. Somehow she got wind of us and tracked me down to the C"  
  
He paused to emphasize his next words.  
  
"I want to make this clear. She attacked me first. I would never have fought her if she hadn't started it"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I knew that I would be signing my death sentence, mine and Dru's".  
  
"But you killed her anyway"  
  
"I had to. She wasn't a slayer but she was strong. She would have bested me if the cart we were in did not momentarily lost power and gave me the upper hand"  
  
"What happened then?"  
  
"I took Dru and got the hell out of Manhattan before they got us. My description was put in every newspaper in the world and the entire establishment was on the lookout for me. Still, I managed to evade capture and we were pretty much okay until Dru decided that she wanted to see her daddy"  
  
TBC 


	14. Entry# 16

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: see chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Entry #16  
  
He continued.  
  
"Dru's sire is called Angelus. We hadn't seen the bloke for about a century and had no idea where he was. There were rumors that something weird had happened to him, something about a gypsy curse and what all. I never found out exactly. Anyhow Dru wanted to find him so I asked around. He was in the states, LA to be exact. Of course I was adamant about setting foot anywhere in the country. I knew that even after more than a decade I was pretty much America's most wanted"  
  
"So we stayed put but Dru wouldn't let it go. We were in Prague and Dru's frustration made her careless. We were attacked by a mob and barely escaped with our lives. They injured her pretty badly and she was frail even after I had tended to her. The only way to bring her back to health was to have her feed from the sire. I had no choice then".  
  
"You came back? Even with knowing the risk you chose to return?" I couldn't keep the cynicism from my voice. .  
  
"My lady's wellbeing was at stake. It really wasn't a question" he said matter-of-factly.  
  
Never in all my research on vampires had I come across such a thing. Vampires were known for their selfishness and survival instinct. In front of me was one that put his own safety on the line to save his mate. I was astounded and envious.  
  
"What happened then?"  
  
"We managed to get West Coast. The Initiative was already in place but it wasn't as formidable as it is now. A vampire could still make his way around if he was very careful and I was. My intent was to get Angelus and get the hell out of there. As you can see things did not go according to plan"  
  
"You never found him?"  
  
"I did. Unfortunately I also found that he had a soul. And that he was working for the Council and the Slayer"  
  
Huh? I had never come across any mentions of a vampire working with the slayer and I told him as much.  
  
"Yeah well, it was probably something they wanted to keep under wraps. All I know was that he and the Slayer had been allies ever since she was first called. But I wasn't aware of that as I sought him out. All I knew was that Dru needed him. Somehow he got word that I was in town and contacted me. We agreed to meet"  
  
"He was willing to help Dru?"  
  
"I never knew. He wasn't waiting in the meeting place, a special ops team was. They  
  
overpowered and injected me with the same tranquilizer you are so fond of. By the time I could move again I was already in the Initiative complex".  
  
Thorough his narrative he had kept his voice in an even pitch. The pitch has softened when he spoke about Dru but now as he got to his capture and subsequent imprisonment it quivered.  
  
"Buffy. I know that I am your natural enemy and that I have killed thousands of your kind. You probably think that I deserved my fate and you're probably right. I don't know, but I'd rather take my chances in hell than be sent back there"  
  
His statement rang in my ears. I remembered that one of the vampires that had escaped alongside him had made that very same choice. I knew that Maggie Walsh was evil but I had only seen glimpses of it whenever I read one of her books or attended one of her symposiums. The workings of the Initiative were pretty much concealed even from me.  
  
Was I ready to confront the reality? Learn what my boyfriend really did?  
  
I was.  
  
TBC  
  
Okay. Here we go. This is where things really start happening. I'll try to get the next part out as soon as possible. Keep the reviews coming :-) 


	15. Entry# 17

1 7Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: see chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Entry# 17  
  
I made my decision. I was willing to confront what went on at the core of Sunnydale with the vampire before me as my guide.  
  
"At first it wasn't so bad…" he began "I was strapped to a bed and fed intravenously. Aside from the loss of freedom what got to me was the not knowing where Dru was"  
  
I cringed inwardly. Sooner or later I was going to have to deal with how much it bothered me every time he spoke of Drusilla.  
  
"I had left her behind in an abandoned factory when I went to meet Angelus. I hoped that she had gotten wind of what had gone down and gotten to safety. But I was in the dark…"  
  
I interrupted him in an attempt to finally get him off the topic of Dru.  
  
"What I don't get is why didn't Helen just stake you? I mean you offed her daughter even if it was unintentionally" I was bitchy but with reason.  
  
He smirked. "I'm sure that was what she wanted to do but by that time Walsh had gotten influential and convinced her that making me into a test subject would be a lot more productive than destroying me. The Council gave the go ahead and I became property of the Initiative Subspecies Research Facility"  
  
His words were laced with loathing but he went on.  
  
"Initially, the tests were strictly physiological. Blood, reflexes, vision and what not. I was pocked and prodded constantly by silent lab techs. This went on for weeks. I had no concept of time so I could not be sure. When they were done they moved me to a cell"  
  
He paused and his eyes took on a haunted look. In my few times in the underground lab I had once gotten a glimpse of the specimen cells. I remembered seeing frail-looking vamps crouched in tiny, white chambers. Their eyes were bruised and unfocused. I could not help but wonder what could bring formidable creatures to this state.  
  
"Then the heavy stuff started. They injected me with drugs that would make me twitch and tremble so much that I couldn't get my legs under me or even drink the packet of blood without spilling over myself. A couple of times it was electrodes to the sides of my head that ran electricity through my brain. Hundreds of bolts, enough to make my ears and nose bleed for days…" he ran a hand lightly through his face as if remembering the sticky red substance that once covered it. "The air vent of my cell would periodically give out toxic fumes that would burn my skin and hurt my eyes. And all the while they were recording my every reaction, making notes on my pain. They were testing vampire endurance and I endured"  
  
He ran a crimson tongue through bloodless lips and continued.  
  
"After a few months I was transferred to the Behavioral Science Department. I saw this as a reprieve. The psychoanalytic poofs had to be less vicious than the hard scientists. Once again I miscalculated"  
  
"Let me guess. Maggie Welsh" I said  
  
He nodded. "The bitch couldn't wait to get me in her section of the Initiative complex. I have no idea what had made her wait"  
  
"Maybe she wasn't that powerful yet" I volunteered.  
  
He shook his head no. "Walsh had established herself in the Initiative. She wasn't running it just yet but she had the power just the same"  
  
"What did she do?" I asked.  
  
"Nothing at first. I was left alone in my cozy cell and fed regularly. I began to feel that my situation had improved until one day I was roughly awakened by six Initiative blokes and taken to Walsh's office. When we got there they strapped to this chair and left me in the room with her. For a long time she just studied me and wrote things in the chart she carried. I gather she was making observations. Then all of sudden she starts firing questions about my life before being turned"  
  
"Did you answer them?" I had my suspicions but I asked all the same.  
  
"No. And she made me regret it" he said glumly. "Maggie Welsh would not let a mere specimen get away with ignoring her commands. This was something that took me a while to learn."  
  
"She tortured you?"  
  
"Periodically. Sometimes it was part of her 'research' other times it was as punishment. It was painful just the same"  
  
"What did she do?" I wanted everything.  
  
"The first time she had a cattle prod with her and she used it until I was babbling answers. Other times it was simple starvation. Once she had my clothes taken away and I had to withstand the sneers and jokes at my expense. Sometimes they played with fire. Humiliation and pain were her tools but there were also rewards. Whenever I cooperated there would be a bit extra blood or maybe the lights of my cell would be dimmed so that I could sleep. Things that made my captivity easier to bear. Little by little I became the creature she had intended for me to be. One that does not even think of opposing her"  
  
"She conditioned you" even as I said it I could not believe what that implied. The Initiative used operant conditioning to control demons and make them do as she wished. I understood the methods but I could not grasp the reasons. Why would the Initiative want demons that they could be in command of?  
  
He read my mind. "I also wonder about that now but back then I could not see beyond pain and the lack thereof"  
  
I had a sinking feeling in my gut but I had to know more. "But if the conditioning was successful, then why would she order your extermination" I remembered that the notes in his file indicated that.  
  
His eyes bore into mine as he delivered his next words carefully.  
  
"She didn't order it. Riley Finn did"  
  
TBC  
  
I apologize for the long wait. I had a rough week but hopefully I'll be able to post in a timelier manner. Also, I am currently writing a mini- prequel in Spikes POV so keep a look out if interested. Once again thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them. 


	16. Entry# 18

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: See chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Entry # 18  
  
A few months ago a national magazine had done an expose on Sunnydale with an emphasis on the Initiative. It seemed that the world had an ongoing fascination with the closely guarded organization and its activities. On page eleven there was a large photograph of Riley and me walking down Main Street with cups of coffee in our hands. The captions identified us and announced our relationship to the world. After seeing the spread I had three reactions. First, why couldn't they have picked a better picture of me? I mean there were countless of photographs of Riley and me in formal wear taken during various functions. Why didn't they pick one where my hair doesn't look like it's been through an apocalypse? My second reaction was that I hadn't even noticed that a photographer had been tailing us that day. I must be slipping. And the third was a surprisingly uncomfortable reminder that Riley and me were officially an item.  
  
It wasn't that we kept our relationship a secret. Riley Finn was my official escort to any event that the Slayer had to make an appearance. He acted as the Initiative's ambassador to the world (the unpopular Maggie Welsh lacked the charisma to please the masses). Although at first it was all for show, we gradually moved into a real relationship. This was not a shock to anyone that knew us. After all, we shared similar interests and our lives ran parallel to each other. There was also a definite physical attraction. Our relationship progressed smoothly into casual dates, at home evenings and sex.  
  
I liked Riley very much and enjoyed all aspects of our time together. He was smart, interesting and funny. His commitment to the Initiative ran deeper than my own to the Council and I admired that in him. But there were times when I felt that I really didn't know him and that sex had taken the place of true intimacy.  
  
But it wasn't until I saw the Riley Finn that William had experienced that I realized that my instincts had been right and I had been sleeping with a stranger.  
  
------  
  
"As you know, Finn is the Initiative's wonder boy. It wouldn't surprise me if Walsh passes the mantle to him if she ever retires"  
  
It was true. Riley's Walsh's special favorite. She entrusted him with a lot of responsibility and power.  
  
He continued. "To get where he is in such a short time you have to assume that he has made concessions in the personal ethics department. That he has looked the other way more than once"  
  
The vampire's words washed over me. He was voicing what I already suspected but chose not to confront.  
  
"When Finn first joined the Initiative he was as poncy as they come. You know, the teacher's pet that everyone hates because he is too bloody perfect. Walsh encouraged this she even assigned him to head one of the vampire studies only one year after he joined. She even allowed him to design the experiment. The bastard was into single- subject studies and the subject he picked was me"  
  
I have to admit I was surprised. Single-subject studies are too limited to draw general conclusions from them because they only test the reaction of an individual as opposed to a group. Had something in William caught Riley's interest so much that he had to research it?  
  
"Do you know why it was you? I mean there were hundreds of other vamps in that lab"  
  
He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because I'm from a real tenacious line or maybe because I been lab rat the longest. Whatever it was it was I was the 'chosen one'."  
  
I glared at him. He could really push my buttons when he wanted to.  
  
"Very funny ha ha…so for some unknown reason he picked you. Did that change the way you were treated?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"I was moved into a room with an iron door instead of Plexiglas. The new cell came complete with a bunk and a sliding tray. Instead of having my meals dropped on my head they would be placed on the tray and pushed inside. It was worlds of luxury away from the old setting. I was just getting used to my newfound privacy when a couple of Initiative guards opened the iron door and went directly for me. I didn't struggle because by that time I was very aware of the consequences of resisting. I let them restrain my hands and feet before they pulled me through the door and into Finn's office"  
  
Huh? Riley had an office in the Initiative lab? I always thought he worked out of the setup that he had in the upper level base. I wonder why he never told me before.  
  
"The guards threw me into a chair facing Finn and left. For a long time we did nothing more than stare at each other. He had a legal pad in his hands and every so often he would jot something down. All of sudden he starts telling me my life history from the moment I was turned to the time I was delivered here. I listened silently while trying to decipher his purpose. When he was done he asked me if I had gotten used to my life here"  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I wanted to say yes. I knew that he was looking for that. He wanted me to confirm that after more than a decade, I had adapted to this life and I would not be able to function on the outside. But I couldn't get the words out. Even if I had spend a hundred years in that place I could never want to stay there. I could never want to stay in hell" he finished.  
  
The emotion behind his words affected me in a way I wasn't ready to face. So I didn't  
  
"You didn't support his theory" Riley the ever consummate scientist would not have been happy.  
  
"No, but I think he expected it. He informed me that for the next few months I would be involved in a series of tests conducted by his team. He made it clear that he expected my cooperation or otherwise I would be put down"  
  
"What did you say to that?"  
  
The vampire scoffed at my question.  
  
"What could I say? He wasn't asking for my permission, he was telling me what was going to happen to me. He wanted for me to know the consequences of refusing to be a good lab-vamp but he needn't have bothered, I knew them by heart"  
  
"So you went along but not that you had much of a choice"  
  
"Exactly. I did as they told me and tried to deal with what they dealt me. I could handle quite a lot without breaking but Finn was interested in just that"  
  
"In what?" I asked.  
  
"In breaking me".  
  
TBC very soon. Promise. 


	17. Entry# 18cont.

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter 1  
  
Summary: ditto  
  
Author's note: this "entry" is a continuation of the last one. I want to catch up the chapters to the entries so I don't get confused.  
  
Entry # 18 cont.  
  
He had just told me that my boyfriend's purpose was to destroy what was left of him. In humans this is known as a soul. In vampires it is unknown.  
  
"I have to admit that there wasn't much left to break. I was obedient because I feared what would happen if I wasn't. Walsh's 'conditioning' had been pretty successful but very deep inside of me I was still rebelling, I was still fighting their control over me. Somehow Finn knew this and he was determined to get at that last bit of my will"  
  
"How could he?"  
  
"By obliterating my personality, my sense of self. His 'studies' were meant to play with my head, with my nerves. He kept me in a constant state of stress and recorded my every reaction. I held up pretty well until he went into sleep deprivation. For fourteen years, sleep had been my only escape. In my dreams I was free and by my lady's side once again. Finn made it so that I didn't even have that and I just couldn't take it"  
  
He averted his eyes from me. My own eyes moistened and I gestured for him to go on.  
  
"I reacted with all the rage, all the anger I had bottled inside ever since my capture. I went into vamp mode and did not revert from it. Every time anyone came near the cell door I would throw myself at it and almost succeeded in breaking it. The guards came in to restrain me but I managed to bite a couple of them before they decided to give it up. They stopped feeding me but it didn't matter, I was too far-gone to care much"  
  
As I listened I could hear the past desperation seep into his words but I couldn't stop him. I had to know. He went on.  
  
" Eventually, Finn decided that he no longer needed me. I never knew if he had to convince Walsh but I heard from a passing guard that he had scheduled my extermination for the following day. When they came to take me, I was ready for them and took most of them out. I made my way to where the other vamps were. I knew that my only chance at escaping out of the complex was too create a diversion and releasing a handful of lab-vamps would do it"  
  
I remembered the other vampires I had managed to track down the day that Maggie Walsh had first asked for my help. I had wondered about the conditions that made one of them stake herself when she knew that I was going to take her back. I no longer wondered.  
  
"Somehow I managed to make my way out of the lab and into the streets of Sunnydale. I knew that it would be impossible to get past the Initiative border patrols so I decided to try blending in. I thought I was making a go at it until the night you found me"  
  
He paused to take my hand in his. The light pressure made my senses tingle.  
  
"When you found me I thought that all was lost. I knew who you were and I was ready to accept death by your hands but when you indicated that I was going to be taken back…" his voice fractured and he whispered his next words "…but then you didn't and instead you let me into your home. Buffy that was everything. You are everything and I want you to know that"  
  
He didn't say anything else. He didn't need to. Everything was clear.  
  
The vampire that had opened my eyes was stood before me. In his gaze I saw the years of torment revisited on him and I responded to that. I took him into my arms and he transformed from a notoriously evil vampire into simply William.  
  
TBC. Okay so the rift between our favorite slayer and vampire has been cemented once and for all but other challenges lie in the very near future (like in the next chapter). So please stay tuned and don't forget to review. 


	18. Entry# 19

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: see chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Author's note: For anyone interested "Experimental" has a companion piece titled "Night Watcher" (sucky title I know). It is done in Spike's POV and is incredible mushy, but then again our favorite vamp has his mushy moments. Plus, I am feeling rather mushy after a very good weekend;)  
  
Entry # 19  
  
After the storm there is always calm and this was the case between William and me. We had survived the revelations and were a stronger unit for it.  
  
Hopefully we were strong enough to face tonight.  
  
Tonight was Wednesday and Riley and I were scheduled to make an appearance at a dinner in honor of one of the Initiative's biggest patrons. The guy was getting inducted into some society or other. I could never keep the names straight.  
  
The government funded the Initiative itself but its educational program depended on outside collaborations. So we had to make nice with the big spenders.  
  
Knowing what I know now, the thought made me sick.  
  
Willow had agreed to take in William until tomorrow so we would not chance him running into Riley or vice versa. Riley usually stayed over after an evening function.  
  
Knowing what I know now, that thought made me sick too.  
  
I had to break up with Riley, that much was obvious, but I had to do it in a way that did not betray my reason for doing it.  
  
It wasn't like I could say: Riley, you sadistic bastard. I loathe the thought of your hands on my body after what you did to William and who knows how many others. Stay away from William and me before I show you how the Slayer slays monsters like you.  
  
No, I don't think that would be smart.  
  
I had to find another way, a more subtle approach.  
  
The microwave beeped indication that William's blood was ready. I picked the water bottle and made my way down the stairs to the basement. Last night he had fallen asleep on my bed but by the time I had awoken he was back in the basement.  
  
I made it down the steps. He was sitting up on the bed already dressed and ready for the new day. The smile of his face was as bright at the sun.  
  
I grinned back as I handed him his blood.  
  
"Thank you luv"  
  
I decided I loved English accents.  
  
I marveled at what a difference a day makes. Just yesterday we had exhausted ourselves fighting and now I was admiring the way he talked.  
  
Crazy but no less wonderful.  
  
Okay, I admit that I still had some trouble coming to terms with what he had done in the past but I think that he had been punished enough for it. And anyhow there were bigger evils out there namely the Initiative.  
  
He finished his blood and set it down on a small table we had moved here last week. I had wanted to add more furniture but he refused saying that he was comfortable with what I had provided.  
  
I hoped he would be comfortable in Willow's house tonight and I told him as much.  
  
The look he gave me told me that he had forgotten all about tonight.  
  
"You are still going?" he couldn't conceal the shock in his voice.  
  
"Yes, its something I have to do and especially now to avoid sending any red flags."  
  
"But even after what I told you, you are still going with him? With Riley Finn?"  
  
Oh. So that was it.  
  
"Both of us are expected to make an appearance but it doesn't mean anything. Really. In fact I was just thinking of a good way to break up with him without making him suspicious"  
  
His smile was back and was twice as radiant. "Maybe you can tell him that you realized what a wanker he really is and that you know that you can do better"  
  
I laughed at his suggestion.  
  
"I really don't think that's a good way. I think I am just gonna go with the 'I like you as a friend' speech. That'll let him down easy"  
  
He shook his head "Actually that's the one speech that guys don't wanna hear because it translates into 'you are too much of a nancy boy for me to be seen with'. It's like a deathblow to the male ego".  
  
"Ahh yes. The ever fragile male ego" I agreed.  
  
"Damned right. It is our most important part. Or our second most important part to be exact".  
  
My laugh deepened at the implications. I had never met a vamp with a sense of humor. But then again it wasn't like ever had a conversation with a vamp before. It was remarkable.  
  
What was also remarkable was that William could still have fun even after having been locked up in a lab for fourteen years. I wondered at the other layers of his personality that he had yet to reveal.  
  
I was still wondering when his lips met my own.  
  
It was a light touch, like that of a feather and he pulled away quickly to await my verdict.  
  
My hands went up to my lips. I couldn't believe he had done that.  
  
Both of us were silently awaiting the other's reaction to this brand new direction. He had made the first move. I had to make the second.  
  
My kiss went a lot deeper.  
  
TBC. 


	19. Entry #19cont.

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Disclaimer: see chapter 1  
  
Summary: ditto  
  
Author's note: Thank you for all your wonderful reviews, I never thought it would make it pass a 100. I hope that you don't find this chapter too mushy but it does deal with the developing relationship between B/S (this is romance after all). As for Mr. Finn, I really don't think he is all that bad (just misguided and terribly ambitious) but something tells me that he will come through eventually. The big bad is the Initiative itself so no Glory, master, major etc. but our favorite vamp will get his "bloody" revenge. And finally, I liked the response that "Night Watcher" had so I am going to do another piece in Spike's POV namely dealing with his upcoming visit to Willow's which should be a lot of fun to write.  
  
Entry# 19 cont.  
  
I was human so I had to come up for air eventually but I really wanted to kiss him forever. He was a wonderful kisser. Seductively sweet. All lips and tongue exploring deep inside me and tasting all that I have while leaving his own taste behind. Intoxicating. And fangs were not even an issue.  
  
Actually, I am the one that bites.  
  
I stretched across his bed and he did the same. We lay side by side enjoying the closeness. There was no need to go any further, at least not yet.  
  
"What are you thinking?" the softest whisper.  
  
"I'm thinking why didn't we do this sooner? God, William that felt so good" I was gushing but he deserved it.  
  
His slightly swollen lips curled into a self-satisfied smile. The male ego strikes again.  
  
He moved closer to me and nuzzled my neck while laying tiny kisses across my throat. I relaxed into the sensation as I curled my fingers in his hair and breathed in his scent.  
  
Sometime ago, Willow told me that Tara was not the first person she loved but she was the love that felt right. I have to admit I had no idea what she was talking about. Love seemed too complicated to ever be right. Now I see the possibilities.  
  
I was high with the rightness of it all. In this moment, in this life I had found what I've been lacking.  
  
And it was a vampire. Ironic much?  
  
The object of my desire seemed to be having a similar epiphany because he looked as amazed as I felt. His adoring gaze comforted me because I knew without a doubt that he loved me.  
  
And all it took was one kiss and I had dethroned Drusilla and he displaced Riley. Maybe they can get together and compare notes on how truly pathetic they are while basking on the glory that is us.  
  
Of course just as I am about to break into song the phone rings. I am seriously tempted not to answer but it could be Willow with news about tonight. I leave a pouting vampire on the bed and run upstairs.  
  
My hunch was right. My best friend was calling to confirm our plans. She wanted to know when I would be dropping off William. I really hadn't thought about it so I gave her a time off the top of my head. Hopefully I would have enough time to return home before Riley made his appearance.  
  
I wanted to get off the phone but Willow had sensed that something was different. She asked me if something had changed. I said that it hadn't but that I needed to get back to something important and we agreed to talk when I went to drop Spike at her house.  
  
When I returned to the basement he was nowhere to be seen. For a moment I panicked thinking that the Initiative had somehow made its way here without my noticing (love evidently feeds on IQ points) but the sound of water moving through the pipes alerted me that he was probably just washing up. I ran back upstairs.  
  
He was in the first floor bathroom and I could hear the shower running. I tried the knob and found it to be unlocked. I could just go in.  
  
And he would be there. Wet and without any clothes on.  
  
What would happen next? I wondered.  
  
I ran my right hand along the smooth wood that made up the door. It was a poor substitute for what I really wanted to hold.  
  
A few moments later, I heard the shower being turned off and the shower door open. Oh God he was stepping out.  
  
My hand tightened on the knob. Just one turn away from Paradise. I just needed to…  
  
THUD  
  
The loud noise made me jump out of my skin. I opened the door to the bathroom and stepped inside. The room was exceedingly humid and warm. The steam had clouded all the mirrors and fixtures. And amidst the blue/green tiles facedown lay an unconscious vamp.  
  
TBC. And yes there is a reason for this turn of events. Sorry for the shortness but this is a continuation of chapter 19. Chap. 20 will be much longer. 


	20. Entry# 20

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: See chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Entry #20  
  
I dropped to my knees before his unconscious form. Foolishly I reached for his pulse before I remembered. He wasn't human. He wouldn't have a heartbeat and he wouldn't be subject to a simple fainting spell. No, this had to be something else.  
  
I positioned him in my arms and carried him away from the bathroom. I should have enjoyed the feel of his nude body but was too terrified. His head wobbled as I quickly made my way up the stairs. I had to stop midway and shift him so his neck was supported.  
  
Once in my room, I carefully placed him on my still unmade bed. The sheet was drawn over the lower portion of his body. It horrified me to see how much the white sheet mirrored his deathly pallor.  
  
Oh God, Oh God, What's wrong?  
  
He hadn't been staked. Hadn't bathed in holy water or met with any crucifixes. There was no reason why he was now unconscious. No reason at all.  
  
In desperation I shook him violently.  
  
Nothing, not even a stir.  
  
In my head I went through all options. I couldn't take him to the ER. They don't treat vampires there. Maybe Giles? But he would notify the council or the Initiative even if I beg him not to. Riley? God no. Willow.  
  
Willow with her foray into the dark arts would now. She had to know.  
  
I grabbed the phone and punched Willow's number. It rung four times before the answering machine took the call. I couldn't risk leaving a message so I hung up.  
  
Willow would have left for class five minutes ago.  
  
There was no one else I could trust.  
  
My helplessness disgusted me. I sank to the floor by his bedside and let the worry overwhelm me.  
  
------------  
  
He finally came to at a quarter past noon. His lashes fluttered as if he were awakening from a pleasant sleep. In less than a second I had climbed up the bed and sat facing him. The baby blues blinked a couple of times before they focused on me. His lips formed a weak smile.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know. You just collapsed in the bathroom floor. I tried to revive you but you wouldn't respond. It was like you were dead" I couldn't keep the anxiety from my words.  
  
"You must mean more dead" he teased.  
  
"How can you joke about it?" I demanded, his light banter was aggravating my over wrung nerves. "William you were out more than three hours for no apparent reason"  
  
The humor left his eyes at once. "Sorry, pet. I didn't mean to worry you"  
  
He sounded contrite and I immediately softened.  
  
"I know you didn't. I just got spooked because I didn't know what was wrong with you. I still don't know what is wrong with you"  
  
" I don't know either luv. All I remember is finishing my shower and trying to get out of the bathroom without dripping all over it"  
  
"So you didn't hit your head or anything?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, not at all"  
  
"Has this happened before?"  
  
"I wish. There had been dozens of times in the lab were I longed for unconsciousness but I could never achieve that on my own" He said with an edge of bitterness "but don't worry about it. Its not like I 'm gonna die"  
  
"But I remember that you told me that you have been feeling like you didn't have any energy" I had been planning to ask the salesperson at Petco if I was mixing the feeding formula properly but with all the craziness of last week it had slipped.  
  
He shrugged. Something was definitely off.  
  
I decided to let it go. Maybe I could find a way to get some clues from Riley without making him suspicious. That is before I broke up with him.  
  
------------------  
  
Things were pretty uneventful for the remaining of the day. William had gone back to bed and I made the necessary preparations for tonight. I waxed, manicured, perfumed and curled. The inner cheerleader told me that if I was going to break off with someone, I'd better do it in style.  
  
Six minutes to seven and I was finally ready. It was time to wake up William for the ride over to Willow's. I could have taken him earlier but I didn't want to interrupt his much-needed sleep and I really wanted him to see me at my best. I wanted him to think that I was pretty.  
  
I got my wish. His eyes moved appreciatively over my body. It was obvious that the fitted cream-colored dress met with his approval. But I wanted him to say it.  
  
"Do you like?" I asked innocently although I knew the answer.  
  
He responded by drawing me into his arms and giving me a long, passionate kiss that smudged my no-smudge lipstick. When we finally pulled away I could see that his lips bore the red imprint of mine.  
  
"We have to go" I said breaking the mood.  
  
"I don't want you to go with him" he said possessively.  
  
"But I have to. We have to be together one last time. After tonight I'm all yours"  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"I swear" I said simply. It was the truth.  
  
"Okay" He got up and pulled on his jeans and tee shirt. After lacing up his boots he was ready to go.  
  
His tousled blond curls made him look like a little boy. I tried smoothing them with my hand but they were as rebellious as their owner. Said owner gave me a meaningful glance. I decided we better go before things got more intense.  
  
We headed towards the kitchen. Something told me that it would be best if he had his dinner here and not at Willow's. He concurred and quickly drank his portion.  
  
I went to move the car closer to the house. Although it was already dark I didn't want to risk someone seeing him and becoming curious as to whom he was.  
  
As to be expected he was a little reluctant to leave the house. After all this was his haven. His safe place. Out there were the Initiative labs. But we had to go. I grasped his hand and pulled him along gently towards the warm Sunnydale evening.  
  
TBC. 


	21. Entry# 21

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: see chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Author's note: If you are interested about the Spike and Willow interaction then read "The Witching Hour" (no not the Anne Rice novel) which is my second companion piece to "Experimental".  
  
Entry# 21  
  
He was silent during the five-minute ride to Willow's. I knew that he was uneasy about seeing anyone else besides me. That disturbed me somewhat. I didn't want him to be a recluse. I didn't want him to be a prisoner forever.  
  
I parked the car in front of Will's garden condo.  
  
"Okay. Here we are" I said with forced cheerfulness.  
  
He looked up at the pretty brick structure warily. I got out from the car and walked to the passenger's side. He made no move to do the same and I had to all but drag him to get him out of the car. Finally we were at Willow's doorstep.  
  
I rang the doorbell. He looked away.  
  
My best friend greeted us with her patented nervous Willow-smile. I knew that I was asking a lot from her. She, like most of the world regarded vampires with a mixture of fear and fascination. Even so she invited us in.  
  
Willow's place was cozy and comfortable just like the owner herself. The décor was done in pleasant beige/tan with lots of plush couches and candles on every surface. The two large bookcases held various magick books and other objects pertaining to the craft.  
  
I made the necessary introductions. I was surprised to see that William kept his head down and muttered a barely audible "hi". My sweet lab- vampire must be feeling so vulnerable. My heart ached for him.  
  
The ever-perceptive Willow picked up on that. Her own hello connoted all the warmth that she could muster. I felt a rush of gratitude towards her.  
  
I only had a few minutes to spare. I thanked Willow for her willingness to help out and made sure she had my cell phone number just in case something happened. She reassured me and I turned to William.  
  
His eyes beckoned me to stay. I knew how much this was costing him. Willow looked harmless but she was still human and humans had kept him caged and tormented for fourteen years.  
  
I wanted to respond to his need. When you love someone you want to spare them from all pain and hurt. But I had to do this for his sake as well as my own.  
  
"William I have to leave now. Remember what I promised. I'll be back as soon as I can manage"  
  
He nodded. He was trying to be as strong as I needed him to be.  
  
I kissed his cheek and after saying goodbye to Willow I was on my way.  
  
-------  
  
I made it just as Riley's sleek, black BMW was pulling up the curb. I parked my own car in the driveway and got out to wait for him.  
  
The man who stepped out of the luxury vehicle was the total opposite of William. Whereas my vampire looked weak and thin, Riley was the very picture of health. The tall and well-built Captain Finn would have no problems getting attention from the opposite sex especially in the tux he was wearing.  
  
As he made his way to where I was standing, I went through a whirlwind of emotions. First of all I marveled at how could I have ever have allowed him to get close to me. I now knew what love felt like and I never had that with Riley. How then could I let him have access to my body? What did that say about me? And worse, how many times had Riley gone from screwing me to torturing William? Couldn't I sense that the hands that ran through my body were the very same that inflicted the very worse on the man I loved?  
  
Oblivious to my inner turmoil, Riley Finn greeted me by pressing his lips to mine. I did my best not to gag.  
  
"You look beautiful tonight" he said as his eyes took me in.  
  
I managed a silly, vapid Buffy smile. Everything was perfect as far as I was concerned.  
  
"Ready to go? Or do you want to make an entrance?" he asked.  
  
"I'm ready. By the time we get pass the photographers we will be half an hour late. That's enough for a dramatic entrance" The sooner we went the sooner we can leave and the sooner I can stop pretending.  
  
He agreed and walked me over to the passenger side. He courteously opened the door and helped me inside. The ideal gentleman.  
  
As I settled back on the Italian leather seats, I could not help but wonder how William was doing. I hoped that he had calmed down and wasn't feeling so insecure. I hoped that Willow would be able to break through his protective shell.  
  
The man who was directly responsible for that shell sat next to me. I tried to keep the hate from reflecting on my eyes. There was too much as stake.  
  
"Okay here we go"  
  
Here we go.  
  
TBC. I apologize for the shortness of this chapter but you can always read the companion piece. I'll try to post another chapter during the weekend. 


	22. entry #22

1 Title: Experimental  
  
Author: Jillian K.  
  
Summary: See chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: ditto  
  
Author's note: Okay now finally for the big breakup.  
  
Entry# 22  
  
The next four hours went by in a blur. As soon as we exited the car we were accosted by a half of dozen news reporters who wanted the latest scoop concerning the missing vamp. Riley reassured them that things were being handled according to Initiative policy and that the lab-subject would be in custody soon. I did my best not to punch him in the face.  
  
Finally, we were ushered inside and sat for speech after speech that enumerated the many qualities of the honoree. Riley got up to publicly thank him for his contributions to the Initiative and science in general. Then the guy was officially inducted and after listening to him thanking everyone including his third grade teacher we left. Not even the chicken was any good.  
  
Finally we arrived at my house a few minutes after midnight. He parked the car in his usual spot and helped me out. Wordlessly we headed inside the house.  
  
The living room was nice and cool in contrast to the warmth outside. I put my bag on top of the coffee table and sat down on the couch. Riley followed my lead after taking off his jacket and loosening his tie. For a while we just sat, neither of us venturing to speak. Finally I broke the silence.  
  
"Well that was exhausting. Those speeches seemed to go on forever… except for yours that is" I said forcing a smile.  
  
"Mine was the worst. I didn't even know the guy and had to ad-lib most of what I said. But it really doesn't matter, the speech wasn't important. What was important is that we show the world that nothing is amiss"  
  
Unknowingly, he had given me an opening.  
  
"You mean the fact that William the Bloody still at large?"  
  
"Yes. The situation with subject seventeen is a public affairs disaster. It puts in question the effectiveness of the Initiative and not to mention compromising our research capabilities"  
  
"What do you mean?" I was intrigued.  
  
"Well, you know that the Initiative, along with the Council of Watchers, has been very successful in containing the demonic threat. We don't have exact numbers but we figure that there are only a few hundred vampires that are still free out there. That means that our research pool in dwindling and the authorities need to be encouraged to bring any captured demons to us instead of destroying them. If we show that we cannot be trusted to keep them secure then we will not be receiving any more. Simple as that"  
  
"Oh, that makes sense but what I don't get why you ordered William's execution especially since lab-subjects are so hard to come by"  
  
"William the bloody"  
  
"What?"  
  
"His name is William the bloody or rather subject seventeen. 'William' just seems too familiar" he said with a twinge of suspicion.  
  
Brilliant Buffy. I'm giving it away.  
  
"You're right. Its probably because I've been so caught up in recapturing him that it almost seems like I know him" Nice save "but you still haven't explained why you wanted him dead"  
  
He paused for minute as he organized his thoughts.  
  
"It is my belief that a test-subject has a limited shelf-life. The conditions in which they exist affect their cognitive process and compromise any responses they emit. Subject seventeen was displaying behaviors that indicated that he was at the brink of regressing into an animalistic state. He introduced too many extraneous factors to ever be considered viable research material"  
  
"Repeat that in English"  
  
"He was no longer of any use to us. I saw no reason to keep him around"  
  
I know that if I'd had a stake nearby it would have made its way to Riley's non-existent heart.  
  
"But not to worry. Subject seventeen will not be a problem much longer" his tone was smug and confident.  
  
An ominous chill descended over me. What did he mean?  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"For the last couple of weeks we have been sending a radio signal aimed at scrambling the computer chip that was implanted in his brain. As we speak the chip is destroying brain cells which will gradually result in the vampire's final death"  
  
I couldn't breathe. William was dying.  
  
"H…How long does he have?" I managed to ask.  
  
"We figure a couple of weeks at most. Certainly no more than a month"  
  
So that was it. The chip was the cause for his gradual weakening and yesterday's collapse. He had managed to escape the lab but he was still powerless against their control. He was still at their mercy.  
  
"I apologize for not telling you sooner but I had no clearance to do so. I think that Director Walsh was still hoping you could bring him back but we cannot wait any longer. Hopefully we will be able to retrieve the body before it disintegrates"  
  
The body.  
  
"Riley I think that you should go" I whispered.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I want you to leave now"  
  
"What is if? You're not feeling sick are you?"  
  
"Yes actually I am, but more to the point I don't think that we should see each other anymore"  
  
He looked at me in total shock. I guess he hadn't seen this coming.  
  
"Why? Why would you want that? What did I do?  
  
I lied through my teeth. "No its not you, its me. I realized that I don't belong with you" Because I belong with him, I added silently.  
  
"How long have you known this?"  
  
"For a while now but I've been waiting for the right time to tell you. I guess it was tonight"  
  
"I see. If that is the way you truly feel" he took his jacket in his hands and made his way to the door and stopped. He turned slowly to face me.  
  
"But one last thing. I hope that you are aware what the penalties are for harboring an escaped demon. Even the Slayer is not above the law"  
  
I could only stare as he shut the door behind him. My fate was sealed.  
  
-----  
  
As soon as I heard the BMW's engine fade away I ran outside and got into my car. I was at Willow's in less than two seconds. My friend opened the door and I rushed into her arms.  
  
"Willow oh God Willow"  
  
"Buffy what's wrong?"  
  
"William?" I wasn't ready to tell him yet.  
  
"He's asleep. Come in to the kitchen"  
  
As she ushered me to the kitchen I caught a glimpse of my love sound asleep on the couch. I fought the urge to take him in my arms.  
  
Willow closed the door behind us and turned to me.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"He is dying. The Initiative is killing him"  
  
"How?"  
  
"They are using the chip in his brain to do the job for them. He only has a couple of weeks left"  
  
"Can the chip be disabled?"  
  
"I don't know but even if it could be it would have to be from the Initiative base. They are sending a signal from there"  
  
She considered for a moment. "Its' there any way you can get inside. As the Slayer"  
  
"No, my clearance is minimum. The only times I've been inside there I was either with Walsh or Riley. I don't know anyone else who has full access to the Initiative complex"  
  
She smiled slightly. "I do. Buffy do you remember Xander Harris?"  
  
TBC. 


	23. Entry# 23

Author's note: Okay some of you have questioned how the chip can kill vamps by simply destroying brain cells. Well I have this theory that is kinda supported by the BTVS cannon. The fact that the chip works indicates that a vamp's brain is an active organ (unlike the heart). So our Spike has his gray matter, synapses, neurons etc. all in working order (except for that pesky chip). So if the chip starts destroying brain cells then it will eventually lead to our vamp becoming brain dead if not all together dead (remember brain cells are the only ones who do not regenerate once they are gone they are gone). At least that's my thinking; you may have to suspend disbelief. In an unrelated matter please remember that this story is PG 13 so use your imagination.  
  
1  
  
2 Entry # 23  
  
Xander Harris. Now there was a name I haven't heard in a while. Xander, Willow and I had been close friends during our time in Sunnydale High. I didn't have many friends who could deal with all the pomp and circumstance that came with being the Slayer. I appreciated those that I had. After graduation he chose not to enroll in college and signed up for the Initiative instead. He had been considering the army but couldn't swallow the whole "be an army of one" tagline. It seemed too unstructured to him. He settled for the Initiative instead.  
  
At first all three of us attempted to keep our friendship going. We met at the "Bronze" whenever he was on leave but eventually as his training intensified we lost touch. I know that sometimes he e-mailed Willow but I hadn't heard anything from him in two years except that he was assigned to a base in South America.  
  
"Isn't he in Brazil somewhere?" My voice was a raspy timbre after all the crying.  
  
"Yes, but he asked for permanent reassignment to Sunnydale and it was granted. He is been here for more than a month but just got around to calling me yesterday. I forgot to tell you with all that's been going on"  
  
"Do you think he would help us?" After all Xander was Initiative, even if he wasn't a scientist.  
  
"Something tells me that he just might. Anyway we owe it to William to try"  
  
I couldn't help but smile at her mention of William. They must have bonded in the few hours they spent together. My vampire now had two allies.  
  
"Willow, there is also something else. I think Riley suspects that I've had William all along"  
  
"But how?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't even know if he just said it so see how I would react or if he has actual proof. Anyway William is not safe anymore"  
  
"Do you guys want to come here? I honestly wouldn't mind"  
  
"No Will, I don't want to put you at risk. I don't think that Riley will be sending the Initiative guards anytime soon. No, he wouldn't risk the Initiative's reputation any farther with a scandal. I think he is planning to wait it out and see what I do"  
  
"Okay then, I will get in touch with Xander as soon as possible and ask him to come here. I think between the both of us we might be able to convince him"  
  
I nodded my agreement. Then both of us made our way into the living room. I knelt before my very own sleeping beauty.  
  
He came awake instantly and his eyes brightened when he saw that I was before him.  
  
"Luv, I missed you. I wanted to wait up for you but…"  
  
"Don't worry. You need to rest. Do you think you can manage the ride home?"  
  
He answered me by swinging his legs to the floor and standing up. I was still on the floor so he offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet and into a warm hug. I leaned into his embrace. The Initiative and Riley be dammed. I wasn't going to give him up.  
  
A soft creaking sound revealed Willow standing before us. Her face had a gentle look to it. I knew she was missing Tara who was away for a few days. It's hard to be separated from your other half.  
  
Eventually we pulled away and said our good-byes. She promised to call me in as soon as she knew something. At this William gave me an inquisitive look which I ignored. I wasn't going to tell him anything until I knew all our options.  
  
I kept my five senses in check as we drove through the deserted Sunnydale streets. I didn't think Riley would see the need to have me followed but I wanted to be sure. Finally, we reached Revello Drive and a sigh of relief escaped from both William and I. We looked at each other and laughed.  
  
____  
  
The day had been stressful to say the least. As I combed the curls out of my hair, I could not help but remember Riley's vague warning. Did he really know something or was he just bluffing? I wished I knew for sure.  
  
A knock on the door interrupted my train of thought. William.  
  
"Come in" I said softly. Sometimes William had a bit of trouble sleeping and needed me to comfort him. Tonight I think I needed him too.  
  
He was wearing a black tee and gray sweatpants. His feet were bare and I wondered if he needed slippers. I had a feeling vampires didn't wear slippers just like they didn't wear flannel.  
  
"Buffy" he said simply and all thoughts of flannel left my head  
  
We came together, Vampire and Slayer, in a dance that was both primal and uncharted. There was tenderness but also something that burned about our first time together. A need to be connected that made our physical bodies blaze under the intensity of our passion. Never in my entire life have I felt what I felt that first night with William. Never had I been willing to give as much or love as uninhibitedly as I did. We had no limits. Nothing was denied between us. We were truly one.  
  
The morning rays that filtered through the white curtains found me at my lover's side. Sated and in love I felt that I could face whatever dangers the world chose to throw at me. I felt invincible, a true warrior with a true cause.  
  
I was alive. The Slayer had finally been born.  
  
  
  
TBC. (Look for my third Spike-piece that will go into his version of the…Ahem… "events" coming as soon as I can write it). 


	24. Entry# 24

Author's note: For anyone that hasn't come across it, Experimental has a third companion piece titled "Of Peaks and Valleys" that deals with Spike's POV of his first night with our favorite Slayer.  
  
Entry# 24  
  
I awoke to a ringing phone. For a moment I considered ignoring it in favor of William's arms but then I remembered.  
  
Willow. She was supposed to call me as soon as she knew something. I scrambled out of bed and grabbed the phone sitting in the dresser.  
  
"Hello" I whispered.  
  
"Buffy, hi. I just got off the phone with Xander. He agreed to come over tonight after his shift is done which should be around seven"  
  
"He didn't sound suspicious or anything?" After all if Riley knew then there was a chance that other members of the Initiative did too.  
  
She considered for a moment. "No. I don't think so. He just sounded happy to hear from us"  
  
Great. Now, I felt guilty about attempting to use him. But if that's what it took to save William then that's what I was going to do.  
  
"Thank you Will. I know that this must be hard for you"  
  
"That's okay. I just hope that Xander will be willing to help us. By the way how is William?"  
  
"He seems to be doing well" Better that well actually. "Still, I know what I am up against" As I said this I turned to look at him. He slept tangled in the sheets. One slender foot hung over from the right side of the bed. He was still painfully thin but I loved the way his muscles had rippled as he pressed against me last night. The coolness of his pale skin against my feverish one. The way his teeth had nipped at my breasts. How his tongue ran through…  
  
"Earth to Buffy. You know I am still here" Willow sounded amused. As if she knew what had been going through my head.  
  
"Sorry, Willow. I just got a bit sidetracked" with bad Buffy thoughts I added silently.  
  
"No prob. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. Just remember to be here at seven"  
  
"Will do. And thanks again"  
  
I hung up the phone and hurried back to bed. He shifted slightly and spooned against me. His left arm went around my waist and pulled me even closer. A warm, happy feeling stirred inside me. I think it stemmed from knowing that I was loved. Truly, madly and deeply.  
  
"Who was that luv?" His words made me jump. I thought that he was still sleeping.  
  
"Willow. Just Willow" I hoped that he would leave it at that.  
  
"Oh" he said simply and I breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Soft, fleeting kisses were distributed along my back. I almost purred at the sensation of his tongue running through my sensitive skin. It traveled from my back to my neck area and lower. Suddenly it was too much. I flipped around and trapped his mouth in mine. It was one of those Hollywood kisses. Passionate and searing. My lips were tingling by the time we pulled apart. I liked the sensation and wanted more. I was preparing myself for the second round when I caught the look in his eyes. The sapphire blues shone with their customary adoration but I also saw something else in them. Regret? I was immediately worried.  
  
"What's wrong?" My heart sank at the idea that he could be regretting last night.  
  
He shook his head. "Nothing luv. I was just wishing that things were differently. That we could stay in this room forever"  
  
I knew the feeling. I cuddled closer to him. He continued.  
  
"Unfortunately, this is the hand that we were dealt and I mean to see it to its end"  
  
I had no idea what that meant but I knew that it couldn't be good,  
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
"That you have to let me go" His eyes would not meet my own.  
  
"Go where?" I couldn't keep the panic from my words. He was leaving me.  
  
"When the time comes you have to let me die"  
  
"NO… how can you say that? You are not going to die" The tears were spilling from my own eyes now.  
  
"Buffy, I know what is happening to me and I can see that you are trying to do something to stop it. I also know that you will be putting your reputation, your very life at stake. I won't let you do that. I won't let you destroy yourself for me"  
  
There was a clamp in my heart and it was twisting as he said the words. He knew. He knew that he was dying. He knew that I was planning on stopping that.  
  
His voice softened. "But what I want from you is time. I want time to be near you. To feel you. To love you. That's all I ask for, nothing more"  
  
I could barely distinguish through the torrent of tears. He had given up and wanted me to do the same. But no. I was never going to give up on him no matter what I had to face.  
  
TBC. Sorry for the short chapter but its past 2am and I am about to collapse on the keyboard. I will try to write more later on today. Thank you for the wonderful reviews and keep them coming. 


	25. Entry# 25

1 Entry # 25  
  
Time. All he wanted was a little time. What had Riley said? A couple of weeks and maybe a month but definitely no more than that. Thirty days. William was satisfied with just thirty more days.  
  
But I wasn't. And if I needed to be selfish to save him then I'll be the most selfish b*tch there ever was.  
  
"Listen to me, William the bloody or Spike, you are not going to die, period. No ifs ends or buts. So stop being a pessimistic prick for once and for all and get used to the idea that you are stuck with me for a very long time" I said as I angrily wiped at my tear-streaked face.  
  
The mood changed instantly and he actually smiled at my outburst. "Okay, pet you do what you think is best but just remember that your life is worth more than mine. Please don't put yourself at risk"  
  
"I could say the same thing to you"  
  
"I guess that's the love talking"  
  
"Yes, that must be it. Love sounds really painful sometimes. Doesn't it?" I asked.  
  
"Maybe, but its what I am holding on to"  
  
"Me too"  
  
And we spend the rest of the morning proving it to each other.  
  
******************  
  
6:49 p.m. William is sleeping. I can't help but feel guilty about draining him of whatever little energy he has left. Hopefully, tonight would give me a solution.  
  
As I drove to Willow's, I could not help but wonder what would Xander be? Friend or Foe? Were the ties forged in high school enough to ensure his help?  
  
I said a quick prayer as I knocked on Will's door. Soon I would know.  
  
Willow greeted me and signaled that he was here already. I took a deep breath and plastered the friendliest smile that I could muster.  
  
Xander was… Xander. A little older, a little heavier but still the same. I was enveloped in a warm Xander-hug.  
  
"Buffy, my all time favorite Slayer. Long time no see." Even his voice sounded the same.  
  
"Hey, commando-boy you are one to talk. Did the heat in Brazil melt your little black book?" I was teasing. Mostly.  
  
He looked a little uncomfortable. "Sorry Buff, I didn't think…with you being busy with your…uhmm…slayerness that you would want to…"  
  
"The heat really did a number on your brain. Didn't it? My friends are worth a lot more than my job" and I am counting that you feel the same I added silently.  
  
"Water under the bridge Buff. Now that I am officially back we can catch up"  
  
I nodded glad to have my friend back. "You go first. How's the Initiative treating you?  
  
"Pretty good. The campaigns can be overwhelming but its nice to know that I am making a difference"  
  
My heart sunk. What if Xander had swallowed that Initiative crap? William wouldn't have a chance then.  
  
"You've seen a lot of action then?"  
  
"More than my share. That's why I was so eager to come back home. Well that and because I am getting married"  
  
Willow squealed. "You jerk you didn't mention anything in your e-mails"  
  
"Sorry Will, I thought it was better face to face. I want both of you to meet her"  
  
My curiosity got the better of me. "So who is she? Is she from here?"  
  
"Well no. She is not from here. She is someone I met at work"  
  
"She's Initiative? I thought there weren't any women in the official guard" Actually there were more than a few female scientists but their forces were strictly an all boys club.  
  
Xander hesitated "No… she is not Initiative. She was one of the locals"  
  
"What's her name?" Willow asked.  
  
"Anyanka"  
  
"From Russia?"  
  
"No, her background is a little more colorful but wait till you meet her. She is wonderful"  
  
It was official: Cupid was a workaholic. But I hadn't come here to talk about our love life, well not about Xander's love- life anyway. I had a mission.  
  
Before I could think of a way to bring up William, Xander did.  
  
"We haven't set a date yet but we will just as soon as this missing vamp fiasco is cleared up"  
  
"Fiasco?" Oh God, let it not be what I think it is.  
  
"Yeah. I was assigned to the Subject 17 case. You know 'Spike', the vamp who offed your predecessor's kid"  
  
Willow's eyes met my own. All hope was lost.  
  
But no. I had to get Xander to help. Otherwise William would die.  
  
"Xander, I need to tell you something"  
  
"Uhm…sure. What's up?"  
  
"You won't find Spike"  
  
"Please tell me he is dust. I so need some time off"  
  
"No he is not dust. He is with me"  
  
"What the…?"  
  
"He is with me" I repeated "And I need your help to save him"  
  
TBC. Will Xander accept? Will they have enough time? Will Riley get eaten? Find out as soon as I can figure it up. 


	26. Entry# 26

Author's note: Aaaaaaaargh!!!!! This is not happening. It is not happening… at least not in my world.  
  
  
  
Entry #26  
  
"You have got to be kidding me... You are kidding right? Right?" Xander sounded like he was due for a heart attack at any minute.  
  
"I'm not kidding"  
  
"But how? Why?"  
  
"I don't know. All I know is that I have to save him but I can't do it without your help"  
  
"Let me get this clear. You feel the unexplained need to help a fugitive vamp and you want me to help you do it"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"You do remember who you are?"  
  
"I have never been more certain"  
  
"Okay. I need a moment as I try to absorb this." He actually turned away "Almost absorbed. Getting there. There. Buffy you are insane"  
  
"Maybe, but that's not the point. You are the only person who I can ask. The only one besides Willow who I can trust"  
  
"But Buffy you are talking about helping a vampire. Vampires are evil and Spike is one of the worst"  
  
I shook my head. "No, that's when you are wrong Xander. Look around. Look at the system we live in and tell me if all the evil in the world is contained in demons"  
  
He was speechless. I had dared speak against the social order. Me, who was its strongest symbol.  
  
"What are asking of me?"  
  
"I need a way inside the Initiative. An ID with the top clearance level. I want to get into the labs and the command center. They are sending a signal to William's chip which will effectively kill him if I don't stop it"  
  
"And then what? You'll just turn it off?"  
  
"No. I want to do something permanent. Maybe I'll find a way to disable the chip completely. I don't know"  
  
"Once you disable the chip he will start killing again. Have you thought about that?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"And are you still willing?"  
  
"I am still willing because I know that he will not kill again. He loves me Xander. He does"  
  
"I don't know what went on between you too and I don't want to know. You are my friend Buffy and I'll do anything for you and Willow…including this. But I ask you to reconsider. What you are thinking of doing goes against your own nature. Is William the bloody worth the risk you are going to take?"  
  
"He is worth it, Xander, I've never been more certain than anything else"  
  
"Fine then. I'll see what I can do. It may take a while though as security is pretty tight since the escape"  
  
"He only has a couple of weeks"  
  
"Well then you'll hear from sooner than that" he said as he made his way to the door "Thank you for everything Will. It was nice to see you again"  
  
And he left. Without saying goodbye to me. I know that Xander felt that I was using him. And he was right. I hope that I can someday make it up to him.  
  
Willow felt my discomfort because she wrapped her arms around me. "S'kay Buff. You just did what you felt you needed to do"  
  
I blinked at the tears threatening to spill. I wanted to find a quiet place and cry my heart out for William, for Xander and for this messed up world but I was worried that I would never stop once I started.  
  
"Willow, what do you think is going to happen?"  
  
"I truly believe that you will be able to save William. I believe that both of you will live happily ever after because you earned it"  
  
"You don't think he will start killing again if I am able to disable the chip?"  
  
"No, because he loves you. He told me so the night that he was here"  
  
My lips curled in an inevitable grin. He had confided in Willow about what he felt for me. It made his love all the more real.  
  
"Thank you Will. That's all I needed to hear"  
  
*******  
  
I was literally singing in the car as I made my way back to my house and my vamp. It was not until I made the turn to Revello Drive that I saw the black Jeeps with the Initiative insignia on them. There were about a dozen surrounding the perimeter but my eyes focused on the one in which six guards were pushing a blanket-covered body into.  
  
TBC. 


	27. Entry# 27

1  
  
2 Author's note: Hey! my Buffy is not stupid. She's just not herself (and its not like she's been a pillar of strength this season). Also, I have all the intentions of making William into our favorite bad-ass vamp before this thing is done. The question is will he survive or just go down in a blaze of glory? (my muse is deadlocked over that one)  
  
**************  
  
So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.  
  
Whistler - Becoming I  
  
3 Entry # 27  
  
Without bothering to park I got out of my car and made my way towards the jeep. Two guards noticed my intentions and set out to block my path. I dispatched them with a quick shove. A third pulled a colt commando but was stopped from firing by Captain Riley Finn.  
  
"Buffy, where do you think you are going?"  
  
"What did you do to him?" I hissed ready to strike.  
  
"Him? Oh, you mean our Jane Doe" As he said this he pulled off the blanket revealing a young woman with long blond hair and a torn-up throat.  
  
I regained my ability to breathe. It wasn't him But then who?  
  
"A civilian found her body as he was taking out his trash. We have to take her back to the lab to confirm it but it doesn't seem like she was killed here. Rather, she was placed here for a reason"  
  
"A message" I said simply.  
  
"A calling card if you will. Something to let us know that Sunnydale is not as safe as we thought"  
  
"But it was for me. She was left on my street"  
  
"Yes, can't miss that. This was definitely intended for you"  
  
The way he said it made me search his face. His eyes had a strange look to them, like he wanted to say more.  
  
"There is something you are not telling me"  
  
"Actually its something you are not telling yourself. Look at her Buffy. Look at what they did to her"  
  
I focused on the body. It was the first time that I've seen a vampire victim outside of research. She looked… used. Drained of life and blood for someone's pleasure. Someone who had not a care that she was someone's daughter, maybe someone's love.  
  
"And after seeing this can you honestly tell me that they don't deserved to be put down like rabid animals?" Riley's words were laced with undeniable venom.  
  
Something in me stirred. Something primeval and deep within me, like archetypal knowledge. I wanted to destroy whoever or whatever had done this. I wanted to slay.  
  
"Whoever did this is going down"  
  
Riley shook his head. "This isn't about one vampire. It's about all of them. You cannot discriminate between the lot of them. They're all evil"  
  
"I don't agree with that. Vamps are just like humans, some are more nasty than others"  
  
He laughed without any humor. "Next thing you are going to be telling me is that they are redeemable. Please, that sounds like the WB lineup. If you care to look through my study results you will realize that they will all succumb to their base behavior when the right stimulus is presented. There is nothing civilized or humane about them Buffy. If you have any doubts just ask her" he gestured to the body that was now in the back seat of the jeep.  
  
"What are you going to do with her"  
  
"We'll have her identified and try to determine where she was attacked and by whom. I'll ask for security to be beefed up especially around this area… I have a feeling that whoever did this is going to be watching you so just keep your feelers out. We'll notify you if we learn anything and expect you'll do the same"  
  
I nodded. "I think I'm gonna take up patrolling. I'll ask Giles' to give me some pointers"  
  
"You do that. With any luck, this is one lone vamp looking for some recognition and not another gang" as he said this he signaled to the driver of the jeep and moved towards the passenger side.  
  
I stood there watching the jeeps drive-off uniformly. Riley hadn't said anything but this was going to change things. It was only a matter of time before the press got wind of it (if they hadn't already). In light of that "other" security breach the media was going to have a field day in Sunnydale. It just made things more difficult for me.  
  
But most importantly. Where did I stand? Riley had all but broken it down for me and I had a feeling that soon I was going to have to make a decision. But not tonight.  
  
*********  
  
The house was quiet and dark. I kicked off my shoes before making my way up the stairs. Just as I suspected William was still fast asleep. His arm curled around my favorite pillow. Riley's words played in my head but I couldn't relate it to the vampire before me. I didn't want to. Whatever fate held for us I knew that I wouldn't betray my own heart.  
  
TBC. Who could the mysterious vamp be? Who is fond of sending messages via bodies? Any guesses? 


	28. Entry# 28

1 Author's note: Thanks ever so much for the reviews. They are especially helpful as I get nearer the end of this. Keep'em coming.  
  
2 Entry# 28  
  
Three days later there was another dead girl. This time her body was left in the woods adjacent to the Initiative's main entrance. As was expected, the media descended on Sunnydale and had a field day. The gist of the reporting was pure speculation that covered everything from a reopening of the Hellmouth to a powerful vamp gang but mostly it focused on the resurgence of the reign of William the bloody.  
  
Giles insisted that I take up the traditional duties of a slayer. So from midnight to dawn I was out trying to find whoever was doing the killings. From dawn to dusk I was watching my lover die.  
  
William mostly slept and merely sat up in bed as I tried to get him to sip from a mug. He seemed to have lost all interest in feeding. A dying body no longer requires sustenance.  
  
By now I was near the breaking point. Willow tried to calm me down by promising that Xander was going to come through. I wasn't so sure.  
  
The Initiative had tripled their efforts at security. It was a common sight to see their black jeeps circling the quiet Sunnydale streets or the squads patrolling the more urban areas. Sunnydale residents were place under a strictly enforced curfew but nobody complained.  
  
With all the going-on it was understandable that Xander would have some trouble doing what he promised. The rational part of me understood that but the emotional part raged against this. And as always, my emotions got the better of me.  
  
Just as I was seriously considering storming the compound I got the call from Xander. All was set for next Tuesday, exactly four days from now.  
  
Xander had managed to scrounge-up two alpha-level ID's with total access to the labs. They came complete with Initiative gear to fit the roles. I also got a blueprint of the setup and a copy of the rotation so that I could know who was scheduled to be there at that time. I was relieved to discover that Riley would be away from the base and leading a patrol squad. Xander informed me that I would be going in between the hours of 1 and 2 am so even a workaholic like Maggie Walsh would have already gone home. I only had to contend with a skeleton crew. Xander had gone above and beyond and I was just about to tell him so when he dropped the bombshell.  
  
I had to take William with me.  
  
There was no way to disable the signal. The chip itself would have to be disabled and the only way to do that would be by running William through a device that resembled a CAT scanner and was housed in the lower level of the lab.  
  
I was not only supposed to walk into the heart of the Initiative with their most-wanted by my side, I also had to walk in with a man who was too weak to even stay awake.  
  
Xander understood my predicament but could not give me a solution. Somehow William had to impersonate an Initiative guard long enough to get us to that machine.  
  
Mission f***ing impossible but I was out of options. Except for one  
  
***  
  
Its D-day. Xander had delivered the packet just an hour ago with last minute indications. I took it from him and gave him a much-deserved hug. I was extremely relieved that he hugged me back and wished me good-luck as he left. He was still Xander after all.  
  
After going through all its contents, I placed the packet on the kitchen counter. On the island table were the two items I would need. I picked them up and made my way downstairs.  
  
As usual, William was sleeping. I looked at his unconscious form for a bit. Two days ago he had stopped feeding altogether and it showed in his almost translucent pallor and sunken eyes. It hurt me to have to see him like this. And made what I was about to do a lot easier.  
  
I put the can of vegetable juice on the bedside table, took a razor blade out of its cardboard envelope and drew it against my neck.  
  
The blood flowed as I guided my lover's mouth towards its source. At first it merely stained his pale lips but soon enough I felt a weak suctioning against my throat. Even half-asleep I knew that he wouldn't be able to resist Slayer's blood. It was in his nature.  
  
From my readings I had learned that the only thing that could save William was my very essence. Blood was life to a vampire and mine was especially strong. It would allow him to regain some strength, albeit only temporarily. What the books had not touched upon was the effect on me.  
  
As William nursed I felt a change within me. A communion of sorts was occurring between Slayer/Vampire, Buffy/William that went beyond mere physical expression. It was as if my soul was being transferred to him through my blood. Flowing into him. I wanted it to stop and at the same time I wanted it to continue till I was completely immersed in him.  
  
We rolled off the bed and I landed hard on the floor. I couldn't have cared less. My focus was entirely on him. His eyes were open now and were locked on mine. I was further lost in its blue depths.  
  
Suddenly he pushed me away and backed against the bed frame. His expression was horrified.  
  
"Buffy" was the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.  
  
TBC. 


	29. Entry# 29

1 Entry #29  
  
****  
  
My grip on the twelve white Calla lilies tightened as soon as I heard the opening bars of the ageless march. The church was filled beyond capacity. As I made my way to the altar, I caught a glimpse of my mother, Willow, Xander and Tara. Their smiles reflected my own.  
  
And that of my groom, waiting for me just a few steps away. He was handsome in his dove-gray suit but it was his eyes that made my heartbeat quicken. They shone sapphire blue with hope-filled adoration. In those eyes was the knowledge that no matter what happened we will always be together.  
  
**** End of dream sequence (and yes this is supposed to mirror the B/A scene in season three. A bit of foreshadowing if you will***  
  
His face hovered over mine when I finally came to. The blue eyes were anxious but no longer bruised-looking. His lips had a healthy pink color to them. It seemed like my last-ditch effort had paid off. Thank God.  
  
My voice did not cooperate so I signaled for the bottle of vegetable juice that I had left on the dresser. He quickly retrieved it and moved it to my lips. I felt my strength returning as the thick liquid entered my body. I disliked V8 but it was a quick pick-me-up and I needed to be at full strength.  
  
After draining the can, I was able to sit up. I wobbled a bit but he kept me from falling. We sat silently for a few minutes. Each of us was still gripped by what we had just shared.  
  
I looked down at my blood-soaked shirt. My self-inflicted gash had already begun to scab over. I touched it gingerly so as not to reopen it.  
  
"Why?" He whispered softly.  
  
"It was the only way. We have to go into the Initiative complex to deactivate the chip and you weren't strong enough to do so"  
  
"You have no concept of the risk you just put yourself to. You could have died! I could have killed you" he was frantic.  
  
"But you didn't. And you don't have to feel guilty about it either. I did not even give you a choice"  
  
"Never do that again. Ever" he got to his feet after saying this. I bristled at the clear warning. Where was this coming from?  
  
I looked up at him and marveled at the changes. He seemed darker, more powerful. It was as if the blood had not only restored his health but also his very essence. I struggled to get up and he offered me his hand. I just looked at it and got up under my own volition.  
  
He smiled and even his smile had a dangerous edge to it that I had never seen before. Face to face I tried to catalogue the transformation. His posture was that of a smug, confident predator. The head was carried in a proud manner that I had never associated with him before. This wasn't my sweet and vulnerable William. This was someone else.  
  
But then his eyes met mine once more and underneath all that newly found confidence there was something more tangible. It reassured me and I let go of the breath I did not realize that I was holding.  
  
Love. It was still there.  
  
I kissed him and was pleased to taste myself in him. A part of me now flowed through his veins. His kiss was still the same. Maybe a bit more heated.  
  
I had to pull away before this escalated any further. I wanted to make love to this wild stranger who was still my William at heart. But our time was up.  
  
"We have get ready"  
  
A few more quick kisses and I led him to the kitchen and to Xander's gift.  
  
He fingered the black Initiative uniform. It was obvious that if held many terrible memories. I touched his hand.  
  
"William?"  
  
One last fragile moment. "I'm alright. It's fine" he shook his pained expression away and the cockiness settled in once more.  
  
"One thing though luv."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Call me Spike"  
  
***  
  
12:56 am.  
  
Joyce Summer's black SUV made its way to the Initiative complex. The red beam stretching across the main entrance gate would scan its bar-coded parking sticker. If everything went according to plan the gate would lift and the two guards standing to the sides would motion us to pass through. If not the guards would stop us and very likely arrest us for attempted trespass and impersonating Initiative members.  
  
I held my breath as the red beam analyzed the tiny black lines. The guard on the left looked at the computer screen that was mounted on a pole before him. He nodded to his partner and waved us in.  
  
I returned his wave and drove inside and into the heart of the Initiative with Spike by my side.  
  
TBC.  
  
Author's note: Just to clear things up a little, Spike did not bite Buffy as much as just take what she was offering (she slashed her own neck). Hence there was no intent to hurt so no activation of the chip. Also, I apologize for the shortness of the chapters but with work, family and boyfriend my time is limited (I am also studying for my GRE so I can begin grad work). I'll just try to post more often. Keep the reviews coming. Let me know if I am foreshadowing properly. 


	30. Entry# 30

1 .  
  
2  
  
3 Entry # 30  
  
"Okay pet, we're here. Now what?"  
  
"We go in and find the place in which they keep the machine without being found out. We run you through the machine and get the hell out of there. If all goes well there won't be any trouble"  
  
"Sounds simple enough"  
  
"It would be if every single person in there wasn't looking for you or if I wasn't the most recognizable slayer this side of the Pacific. I guess it all comes down to acting as if we belong there and hope that the getups are enough"  
  
Spike was in standard commando uniform, complete with gun and tazer. He had the hood up to cover the bleach-blond hair but the mask would have been overkill and undoubtedly have drawn attention to us. As for my part, I was in a long white lab coat with the Initiative insignia over nondescript clothing. I had pulled my hair back and added a pair of glasses I bought in the ninth grade in hopes of appearing smarter. We both had ID badges pinned to our outfits.  
  
I had been to the Initiative a few times but to the lab only once. I couldn't expect Spike to be any more familiar as his status as lab subject had not included a tour of the premises. Xander's blueprint would really come in handy.  
  
The entrance to the main building was guarded by a couple of guards on the outside and another couple inside. All of them had weapons as well as a hand-held scanners that would verify our ID's.  
  
As we got nearer the building, his pace quickened. It was as if he couldn't wait to get in the building. For the first time that night, I questioned his motives. What was he looking for inside? Salvation or revenge?  
  
The guards scanned the badges and they cleared. The doors opened and we were finally within the complex.  
  
The Initiative's lobby was designed for visitors. It was done in a very modern décor that was accentuated by the art hanging on the walls. There were a few floor plants scattered here or there as an attempt to bring the outdoors to this very sterile environment.  
  
Spike's blue eyes darted back and forth obviously trying to commit everything to memory.  
  
Although, Xander had said that there weren't going to be that many people there were quite a few around. All of them moved like they had the fate of the world in their hands. Spike and I exchanged looks and tried to emulate their movements and pace.  
  
The lobby gave way to a long corridor. At the end of it I would find the elevator that would lead me to the underground labs.  
  
There were three other scientists waiting by the elevator. Two white coated men and a female lab tech. We politely acknowledged them but one of them looked at us rather suspiciously. She was especially focusing on Spike as if trying to pinpoint exactly were she had seen him before. I aimed a cold look that made her avert her eyes. She must have thought I was some overzealous girlfriend.  
  
The doors slid open and the five of us made our way inside. I knew that the lab had three subterranean levels. The device that we were looking for was housed in the lower level next to the specimen cells.  
  
I glanced at Spike. I had no idea how being back here would affect him. He was apparently untroubled but I sensed something simmering inside of him. I could not name the emotion but I knew that it would surface soon enough.  
  
Thankfully, the trio exited one level before us. A few seconds later we reached our floor. As the doors opened, muffled screams and barely audible groans replaced the silence. We were at the bowels of the Initiative lab.  
  
"He is new" Spike whispered.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Whoever is screaming like that. When I first got here I used to scream. I used to scream, threaten and beg but learned pretty fast that it doesn't help at all. Its better to conserve your energy and endure"  
  
I nodded sadly and tried to imagine how the remarkable man besides me had been reduced to cowering and pleading at his captors. No matter what happened tonight, I swore that they would never again have him under their control.  
  
We were in the middle of a well-lit corridor. The walls were lined with closed doors that had letters and numbers to identify them. To the right side of each door was an ID scanner that would grant the bearer access if they cleared. Inside one of these rooms was a machine that resembled a CAT scanner and would free Spike from his computerized leash.  
  
Remembering Xander's specifications I led the way. The lab was designed like a labyrinth with one corridor forking in three different directions. It was very easy to get lost.  
  
As we made our way we encountered the odd Initiative employees who had pulled the nightshift but not one stopped us or inquired about our presence. The Initiative employed so many people that many of them did not know one from another.  
  
Finally we reached our destination. I slid my ID through the scanner and the door opened automatically. We stepped inside.  
  
The room was large and lined with charts and a couple state-of-the-art computers. It had what looked like an autopsy table on one corner. Next to it was the deactivation device. The machine did resemble a black CAT scanner. The subject would be strapped to the attached table and be slid inside the device. The screen would zero in on the chip and analyze its functioning. The lab tech could then type in commands on the computer that would modify the chip or activate certain capabilities. One particular command would deactivate the chip completely.  
  
Spike looked at me questioningly and I nodded. He took his hood out and stretched across the leather-covered table. I went to the computer and set in motion the device. The table came to life and entered the apparatus through its round gap. It stopped when Spike's head and shoulders were positioned inside. I walked over to his side and touched his cold hand.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"Yes, pet"  
  
I typed the command on the machine's computer and placed my finger over the Enter button. After taking a deep breath I pressed enter and a green light was emitted from the opening. An image of Spike's brain came on the screen with a cluster of letters and numbers superimposed on it. The machine was taking its final readings from the chip as it deactivated it.  
  
Moments later it was all over. The gap was once more dark and the table slid out. Spike was unmoving and his eyes were closed. I panicked and rushed to his side. The blue eyes opened and he smiled.  
  
"Hello Cutie"  
  
TBC. Sorry for the long wait and thanks again for the reviews. There is one more chapter left and an epilogue. And yes we will find out who the mystery vamp which will lead to our heroine making one very painful decision. Nobody is ever happy for long in SunnyD. 


	31. Entry# 31

Entry # 31  
  
First let me get this clear: I am not crazy. I didn't lose my mind, just my heart.  
  
I loved him. I still love him and I needed to free him. I needed to see him safe and away from harm. And on that night I violated all that my calling stood for and chose the well-being of one vampire over that of the world I was called to protect.  
  
Like I said, I wasn't crazy. I knew very well what I was doing and what I was exposing. I was responsible for unleashing one of the most violent creatures that ever walked the earth. He could very well turn against me and resume his killing spree. In fact he could very well start with me. But he didn't.  
  
"Hello Cutie"  
  
"Spike. Are you okay"  
  
"Just peachy pet. And all thanks to you"  
  
His lips met mine and I lost myself to the sensation. Lost in the texture and taste of my lover's cold lips. And I was so enraptured that I did not notice the door open to reveal Riley Finn accompanied by half-a-dozen armed Initiative guards.  
  
Spike was immediately on his feet. He shifted into his game face and readied his body for the attack. I did not hesitate to join him.  
  
Riley did not even blink as his ex-girlfriend revealed her true allegiance. My suspicions were then confirmed. He had known from the start.  
  
He signaled and the guards moved forward with their weapons firmly aimed at Spike and me. My lover growled but stood his ground. I felt a certain thrill at seeing him so strong, formidable and ready for anything.  
  
They gave us hell and they got it back in spades. Riley's team was as efficient and ruthless as its leader. They hit us with everything they had but technology was no match for Spike's fury and unleashed rage.  
  
I had my share of the violence too so it took me awhile to notice that Spike was fighting his way towards Riley.  
  
He wanted my ex's blood.  
  
So now I had a choice before me. A sense of justice and an understanding of vengeance urged me to let what would happen, happen. If anyone deserved to end Riley Finn's life it was Spike. Riley had used the guise of science to torment him. The fact that Spike had managed to survive gave him the right to seek retribution. Who was I to take that from him?  
  
But that was just it. Deep inside I was the slayer and couldn't let it happen. I could never let it happen. I had to take my lover down.  
  
As Riley struggled to keep Spike from ripping his throat out I dispatched the three commandos that were still standing. Without losing momentum I sprinted towards Spike and Riley successfully blocking the human from the vampire.  
  
"Buffy? What are you doing?"  
  
"I can't let you kill him Spike. Even if he deserves it" the last words were said with disgust for the celebrated Captain Finn who was trying to catch his breath.  
  
"Buffy you have no idea, you have no concept of how much I need to end his life. All those years at his mercy, cowering in a cell, wishing for my own death… I can't just let it be. I can't just walk away"  
  
"I know…but you have to"  
  
"No, I don't"  
  
And he lunged for me.  
  
****  
  
It wasn't the first time we fought but it was the first time I had faced him at full strength.  
  
And he had killed another slayer. I on the other hand was inexperienced. The odds were heavily against me.  
  
But years of Giles' thorough training and my own determination would not let me give in. I had the Slayer's pride if not practice. So in the end I pounded kicked and punched my heart out to its owner.  
  
I landed one good kick that sent Spike crashing into the autopsy table but he was on his feet in less than an instant. The ridges and distensions of the vampire had replaced his human face. His eyes no longer shone blue but a menacing gold. And I conceded that I might just never see another dawn.  
  
But incredibly enough I didn't love him any less.  
  
His fighting reenergized and after a few well-placed punches I was underneath him and waiting for his fangs to sink into my neck.  
  
I stopped fighting him. I still cannot understand what made me feel as I did but part of me wanted it. I wanted him to take from me until my life was his. I wanted to go back to that dream world and never wake up.  
  
As I felt his teeth graze my skin I closed my eyes. Waiting.  
  
But nothing happened. I opened my eyes. His human face was back.  
  
1 "You win pet. The wanker lives on"  
  
It all came crashing down as his lips reclaimed mine. I was lost in the now-familiar power of his ardor.  
  
But then a painful current of electricity burns through my body and I see my lover collapse on top of me. I sit up and cradle his unconscious form as I look up to see Riley grasping the black tazer gun.  
  
"Bastard. He wasn't going to kill you"  
  
"I know" he says simply.  
  
I lay Spike gently on the floor and stand up to face Riley. He makes no move to attack me. In fact he seems not altogether there. When he finally speaks his voice is a pained whisper.  
  
"How could this he possible? Demons are not capable of developing any feelings. We know this. We PROVED this. They are animalistic and have no morals. Then how…"  
  
He didn't finish his sentence but I got the meaning. Riley's worldview did not include vampires that would put their emotions over instinct. Spike's actions had pulled the rug from under him.  
  
"Spike is different. I don't know why but he just is. The real question is what are you going to do about it?"  
  
His troubled gaze met mine. Riley Finn was the decisive, no-nonsense military man and scientist. He wasn't evil, that facet was reserved for his mentor, but he wasn't ruled by emotion.  
  
"You can go"  
  
"And him" I was incredulous.  
  
"Him too. You both can go. I'll arrange it so nobody will follow you"  
  
"What about them?" I asked pointing towards the unconscious soldiers.  
  
"They will not reveal anything about what happened here tonight. I strongly suggest that you take him out of Sunnydale as soon as possible"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because the Hellmouth is about to reopen"  
  
"What? But that's not possible. It was sealed permanently"  
  
"That's what we thought but we our information was lacking. The demons know this and we expect that they will soon attack"  
  
I could not believe what I was hearing. My predecessor had prevailed over the darkness a generation ago. The battle had been waged and we had won.  
  
"The bodies that kept appearing…"  
  
"He is called the Master. He is the source of an especially powerful line of vampires. Spike here is a member of that line as is Angel and Drusilla. He has been in a dormant state for the past seven decades. Now our reports indicate that he has awoken and managed to assemble a group of followers from ragtag bands of vampires that exist outside our perimeters. They are currently involved in something they refer to as the "Harvest". The details are sketchy but it doesn't bode well for us"  
  
I nodded at glanced at Spike who was beginning to stir.  
  
"I need for you to arrange for his safe passage out of Sunnydale. I don't want any problems at the border"  
  
"Give me an hour. I'll send a car out to your house. You can take the time to pack."  
  
"No. I don't need to pack. I won't be going with him"  
  
My vision blurred but I did not let the tears fall. There wasn't much point to them.  
  
TBC.  
  
Okay, only the epilogue left. Riley came through just like I promised. He was never evil, just misguided and heavily influenced by Walsh. Also, I could not destroy the Initiative (Buffy is going to need all the help she can get to fight the Master). And before you ask I have no idea how Riley discovered that B and S were in the lab. I think he set Xander up. 


	32. Epilogue

Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews and support that I've received from all of you. This was my first time writing fanfic and I really benefited from all your feedback. I am planning a sequel to this so just keep an eye for it (if you are interested).  
  
Experimental: Epilogue.  
  
Eight months later.  
  
The hardest thing I've done in my life was to watch my mother die. The second hardest thing was letting him go.  
  
But there was not other choice. For you see, I had finally become the Slayer.  
  
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
  
Silly name right? It was a silly name for a silly heartbroken girl that had at last come into her own.  
  
I was called almost six years ago but it took a vampire to show me exactly who I was and what I could do. I was no longer the puppet of the Initiative or the "tool" of the Council. My actions were strictly my own. I decided what the Slayer stood for even if that flew at the face of convention or regulation.  
  
Loving Spike had opened my eyes to all the possibilities of a world where nothing was black and white. Where I had to sift through gray to get at the truth. I had been sifting ever since.  
  
The Hellmouth reopened. The Master rose. The Initiative used all their resources and manpower to stop him but at the end it was a combined effort between Giles, Xander, Willow, Tara and me that did it. All five of us with the help of Angel managed to avert the Apocalypse.  
  
Angel, the souled vampire, joined us when things seemed at their worst. He was instrumental in my final face-off against the Master. Afterwards the heat of battle confused our feelings a bit but at the end there was nothing but friendship. He had come too late into my life. My heart was in another's keep.  
  
I dreamed of Spike constantly, almost every night. During the day he invades my thoughts. I wonder how he is and if he still remembers me.  
  
But lately I have been sensing that he is near. Once I thought I caught a glimpse of him as I battled yet another vampire that had been lured by the Hellmouth to my town. After the vampire was dust I went for a closer look but did not find anything. I blamed it on my imagination and wishful thinking but my "sightings" have been increasing in number.  
  
I asked Angel but he replied that he hadn't heard from Spike but there were rumors that Drusilla would be coming to Sunnydale. I had to bury a sharp twinge of jealously.  
  
In the end all I can do is wait for him to make the first move.  
  
I hope that he decides to do it soon.  
  
The END.  
  
All unfinished business will be addressed in the sequel (Title to be determined) coming soon. 


End file.
